Yoghurt cup #54

• Two weeks and a half of 2011. I'm thinking of doing a sum-up about how 2011 has quite fucked me up but put me through a LOAD of things, but I'm not even sure if my punctuality or my exam schedules will ever let me do that.
• Three weeks until the exams and I haven't had shit in my head. What the actual fuck is Dialectical Materialism and why do I even capitalize the heading words of that subject??
• Listening to The Morning Benders again. I just suddenly realize I tend to listen to a lot of Morning Benders when my head's not set right.
• My blog's been containing quite a lot of nonsense lately. I should've shared them somewhere else.
• And with Camellia admitting 'I put on eyeliner to school everyday, and except for the nerds, all of the girls in my class wear makeups to school', I no longer hold any hesitation in going to school looking all fucked up without makeups.
• Thinking of wearing the flowery dress to school today.
• Nope, not a chance. Unless it's a maxi dress, then, no way!
• That reminds me, I haven't even had a real maxi dress, or a dress that fits the eye of social dressings in general.
• I don't wanna do anything. I want something to inspire me right now so that I could pick up my sketches and start working on a piece of doodling. 
• The moment when my four-years-younger sister could give me pep talks that actually made me feel better than Hannah.
• I'm not gonna start on Hannah again. I need a good one week of not talking to her so that I won't turn this feeling I'm having towards her into hatred. I remember I wrote about her somewhere else, saying how selfish my purpose of keeping this friendship with her is. Makes me feel like a horrible person.
• I'm gonna go take up an attempt to draw something now. More writing later.

Festive bokeh

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Coffee haul

A couple of photos taken in a coffee shop we went to this Wednesday. The photos always tend to be super grainy when I upload them here, so for more quality photos check my facebook, I've publicized this album only :D

Have a nice weekend!

Yoghurt cup #53

• Yesterday something happened that questioned me about everything this 'relationship' was built on.
• So here it goes. This is not gonna be a happy yogurt cup. I think i'm gonna have to go private after this, but it still depends on how the words are gonna come out.
• I went out with Shire yesterday at a bistro called Pat' a Chou. Beautiful sight, festive decorations, delicious food. We took many amazing photos and i was utterly & blissfully happy. See photos above or check them out on my facebook. End of part one.
• I got home and mom & I had a real mother-daughter talk, one that i've never experienced before. Basically she told me about how the two guys at the real estate company was interested when they heard that my parents have a daughter who's a freshman in college. Wait til they actually meet me. End of part two.
• I switched shoes with 2.5 yesterday as well. I had one of his Converse and he had one of mine.
• After a few 'oh Jenny did you take another one's shoe by mistake???' mom told me maybe we're moving too fast. As friends. I remember the feeling when I heard she said that. I told myself, she doesn't know him like I do, and we're just friends, doing crazy normal stuff. I don't think much about it, neither does he, so what the hell.
• Because the photos turned out so beautifully I at least showed them to three people last night, including him. Among the photos I took there were a couple where you could see Shire's face. And he asked me if I could introduce him to her.
• This is where the problem starts. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm starting to like him, the serious way. And no matter how many times I remind myself 'we're just friends, we're just friends', I know by guts how badly I want him to like me as well. When I used my head to picture such a vision of us being a couple, I don't see a long-term commitment. That was my biggest shield from letting myself to like him. Other barriers are just the hardship to admit some of his characters if we were dating and how easily I could accept them when we're just friends, how I felt that he wasn't practically right for me, although so far, he's the most amazing guy who's ever appeared into my life.
• He's treating me like his girlfriend, or at least I feel like he does, making me feel special and stuff. Other times he'd just take a fight with me, simple fun fight, those moments i truly felt like a fucking 'dude' in his eyes. Like yesterday, after I told him about the two real estate guys and he told me he wanted to meet Shire, I went to sleep simply saying to him 'I'm going to bed', thinking how unloved I truly am in this world, reading Penny's note 'screw the world i love you honey', realizing how many things i need to set up in this friendship (oh so now we're gonna call it friendship, not relationship, relationship sounds fucking creepy), he called. When I picked up, he hung up right away. I texted him, 'Crazy or something?'
• He texted back 'Uhm, ilu'.
• Please stop. I'm not that experienced when it comes to reading signals, so please stop sending me sms like these.
• How much i actually wake up today and appreciate my mom's words.
• Ahh i need to keep a cat. Cats won't send me mixed signals.
• Long time no update. My life's been a bit messed up as you can see. 

Excuse me while I go back to my dreams where good things actually happen to people and the underdogs finally find love in the end.

Yoghurt cup #52

• How tired I am right now, yet another post is being written when I'm very very sleepy.
• And it's only 8:08pm!! Makes up to endless nights of staying up too late.
• For example I stayed up til 12:38am last night/this morning (the whole am/pm thing is really messed up ._.) just talking to him.
• God I just don't understand why he kept saying he wasn't good-looking. When we were derping (lol, we were seriously derping the entire fucking place for about 3 hours) in the coffee shop and he was sitting on the couch higher than me, I took a look at him, and was amazed at myself for after almost two months of knowing him I'm still sometimes awe-struck by how good-looking he is. 
• And he was dead serious about the road trip to the beach. How on Earth am I gonna be able to sneak up on mom about this??? I've got a plan already, but it's gonna need some serious consideration and help from Hannah. Hannah if you'll love me enough you're gonna have to back me up on this.
• This is the first time I wish I were those kids who stayed in the dorm. Then I could be free to do whatever the hell I want to do.
• Picked up a book about Moscow yesterday in the coffee shop and all of a sudden the definition of beauty has found its way back to me.
• How I wish I could have brought my camera to take photos in Russia *SOB SOB SOB*!! I want to go again!
• For a moment there I just thought, wow, my life used to be exciting.
• Making myself quite a habit of reading back the IMs after talking with him. 
• I SO DON'T WANT TO BE A 'DUDE' IN HIS EYES! What's with me and girliness?
• Totally ignoring that i have a Psychology test tomorrow. 
• FUCK IT I HATE SCHOOL! The only thing that motivates me to study is him.
• Look how scary it is that he naturally reigns my life.
• I sound exactly like those girls who are always whining about being alone after a minor so-called heartbreak, although lately I've been finding myself understanding more about their world.
• It came naturally though, I had a situation, thought about a simple solution, miscellaneously thought, 'oh that's what normal teenage girls would do', and silently realised how far I was from the line of being happily careless.
• I'm finding myself overthinking a lot of stuff lately too. And for the first time, it wasn't fun anymore.
• Look how sentimental those were! Where did the fun yogurt cups that I effortlessly wrote go???
• Feist - So Sorry.