Ice cream cone #87: the one when I shared my life to the world

• Hello blog, I'm sleepy again.
• How many traditions have I started on this blog? The always-write-when-you're-sleepy tradition, the yogurt cup, the ice cream cone, the dots, the photos? Such weird stuff.
• So I made a photography blog today, just for the sake of it. I've wanted to make a photography blog for as long as I know it, but could never form what the content was. I think it was either about food, or street style, but both didn't seem to plan so well, as I didn't even make an attempt to make anything happen. But then I logged on to my flickr today and saw that I only had about 80 photos left in my bandwidth, and I still haven't made a visa account yet because I'm lazy, and I'm afraid that I can't control myself with things like Sephora or Forever21 or Drugstore.com or Beauty.com or so or so or so. So I thought to myself, blogspot doesn't make me pay in order to upload more photos, they even pay me back if I upload loads of photos (and of course comes the condition that my blog suddenly becomes popular and get 2 million viewers which always sounds like a joke). And I've already run a blog for more than 6 years, at least I have one or two pieces of experience in hand.
• So I created it, quite no-brainy, and started uploading some of my works on it. My friends seem to like it, which is a really good sign. I'm having actual audience. To anyone who reads this blog, I'm sorry I don't believe that you're humans, but because the counts on this blog also counts the times when I view my blog myself, and I view it a lot, and because my self-esteem is very low I don't actually believe there's anyone who's interested in hearing a girl whining about life for 6 years. So, if you're out there, magically reading these lines, thank you for being my audience when I'm just sitting here writing messy crap that are in my head. I wish you many goodness.
• Alongside with the excitement of having people accepting my works and complimenting on my new template, I shared this blog to a friend as well. I've always wanted to share this one, cause obviously I put a lot of thoughts and works into it as well, and believe it or not, this little corner's been my friend for how many heartbreaks and meltdowns and tantrums ever since I was a freshman in high school. Therefore, every time I share this blog to someone, with a thought that they will spend their time to read it and, if I'm very lucky, make efforts to understand me as well, it literally feels like taking a piece of clothing off in some way. This is way too many thoughts and stuff, cause I only write when my head feels heavy, and when I'm sad.
• As we are already here, and because I don't tend to write a lot very often, let's update a bit about how my life goes, so that I'll have something to look back and be moody about 5 months from now.
• I don't know, I guess I can finally say that I've found myself again. I've been doing quite some independent works, thinking about doodling again, busy with schoolwork and English class and the thought of having to register for a gym asap. After I shared my blog, I sat back and read the posts in June, July and August, and thought to myself, how did I ever get out of those times? But I did, and although as devastated as I was then, I knew there would be a day like this, when I'm emotionally stable, having a little cold because of the weather change, and being able to joke a bit in my blog posts. Jennifer O'Keeffe you've been a strong kid.
• One week until my salary comes. The week of dooooom...
• And yes, the appropriate urge of wanting to go to the bar arises at this very inconvenient moment, despite that, it still got me thinking for about 20 minutes when I was on my bus ride home and when I was walking. But no, Jenny, you can't indulge yourself like this. Stay strong, what would Audrey Hepburn do?

Yoghurt cup #78: things

Well, of course, life is made up by things.

• The new boyfriend blue blouse that I bough from the flea market today that cheers me up so well.
• The bunch of perfume samples that I got for no reason. I don't know why I've been so deeply interested with using perfumes lately. And I have about 10 or more samples so I guess I won't have to even think about buying a full bottle in at least two months.
• The floral dress that (sadly, or gladly) that my mom looks better in than I do.
• Delicious crepes with delicious coconut-flavored ice cream.
• Braiding my hair.
• Getting to use the Chocomania shower gel. Which smells absolutely amazing.
• The Burberry Body perfume which lasts for-ever.
• Tomorrow's payday yay.
• Blue illustrated elephant.

Yoghurt cup #61

 credit: tumblr

• After the rain I've walked through today I think I deserve fried food.
• Fried chicken to be exact.
• No sunset today. The sky just went darker on its own. But I like it like that, reminds me a bit of night times in Moscow when the sky would just refuse to go dark although the atmosphere was starting to get dense and chilly to prepare for the long sleep to wake the day.
• And I like the fog looking afar. Makes the city look cold. Which is something relatively rare to feel here.
• 
  
• At first it was like missing a trip to the city, and your inside just kind of rolled up every time something reminded you of that trip. A cup of coffee, a photo, even the smell of the soap you'd bought in one of those previous trips you'd made. You thought of every way to get yourself in that old route, to grasp back the feeling you'd once been so accustomed to, but not even knowing what you would even do if you were to make it . After a while, it was like missing a seaside trip. Perfectly feasible, but not at the moment. The sound of the waves, the smell of the sea grew in you like a disease, but you knew you couldn't just flee to the bay, buy a ticket and be on your way carelessly. Circumstances wouldn't let you make that trip. At last, it was merely like missing a trip to a vigorously beautiful, yet faraway country that you've once been lucky to be to. Not in your reach anymore, just a glimpse of an experience flashing through the back of your mind every now and always, reminding you not about the place, but also the person you used to be, the streams of thoughts you used to swim in. Then, perfectly timed and placed, something will remind you, almost instantly that you have to live, right now, live the moment. And you rush through the time, leaving the memories like pieces of jewelry in the park, sparkling under the sunlight, waiting for your eyes to notice again.
• Rebecca Ferguson's voice is ab.so.lute.ly amazing. As fangirly as I have been for the past few days reading fan fics and saving photos, I somehow felt a bit gutted how Zayn doesn't date her anymore, cause she's so sweet and her voice is authenticity in the form of musical notes.
• My music taste is getting pretty weird and girly not even in a good way.
• I really wanna stay up late on nights like this just breathing the cold air but I usually get very tired after a long day at school like today and Camellia isn't always there so, I end up going to bed ridiculously early, thinking, oh well, if I can't stay up ridiculously late then I'd better do something to distinguish myself from the world that goes to bed at around 10, 11pm. Pfffffttt please.
• Because going to bed at a certain time is too mainstream haha
• I want one of those Wreck This Journal notebooks for multiple reasons: one, I'm a notebook collector, and every molecule in my vein started to scream right at the second I saw the first page inside that notebook. Two, I'm a journal writer, and I've been running out of inspiration for my own journal for a while now, and this thing is exactly what I need to have a feel-good-I-actually-created-something-fun-to-look-at moment that I've been lacking. Three, some people did a marvelously awesome job on their books and I wanna give it a try and see how mine goes. Four, the idea of carrying it around wherever I go kind of excites me. Because I've always managed to keep a distance between the world where I sit down and write journal and the actual socializing world I mostly live in, therefore somehow when I transfer my thoughts into words they tend to become so much more polished and metaphoric than needed. So maybe this is just another method of keeping your head down to earth or stuff like that. Nice idea.
• Wow that one went a little longer than expected.
• Yesterday I watched The Great Gatsby and was so annoyed by the so-called charismatic voice of Daisy Buchanan I had to call Camellia and share my burden. Then, after 50 minutes of having to endure the voice, I switched to watching Breakfast at Tiffany's with the more than gorgeous Paul Varjack and everybody's favorite cat who doesn't even own a name.
• Reminder: wash the Kabuki brush, again, clean the fish tank, sleep in for as late as possible.
• I've grown a weird love for sleeping several unnecessary hours straight for no reason.
• ( some part of me was glad that the randomly weird Jenny's slowly coming back in me. The other parts, I still haven't received any reception from them yet. )
• Alright, going to bed. Have a nice weekend folks.

Yoghurt cup #60

credit: tumblr

• Had a heartache-free day today. In a parallel world, I had a good day today. A little tired, a little dazed by slightly overthinking, but I managed to have my carefree moments of the day, bought a box for my camera to sleep in at night, and as I stuffed all of my stuff in it, it turned out to look more professional than I'd expected. It looks like a little working kit of mine now :-)
• I love pop culture. Merely because of the diversity. When everyone's so different and unique, you have a feeling that within each of them, there's a part that doesn't fit in with the world. They're smart to learn from, cool to watch, fashionable to be around with, but they have their time of loneliness, just like everybody else. Only for the pop culture people, they express it by their form of art.
• At least it's my ideal world of pop culture. I know it's misunderstood and mistaken, and I'm gonna have to google again for the correct word of the phrase I described above.
• Today as I was walking home from the bus stop the song Your heart is an empty room by Death Cab For Cutie came up and I thought, did I just find my life phasic soundtrack for the moment? And I believe it was because of the crappy exaggeration of the bass sound that the sucker Nokia earphones made that altered the song from the original but for a minute there it sounded really great. And suitable with my mood in an incomprehensible way, well not according to the title because that would be slightly creepy. I think it's probably the way the background music kind of invaded the space that was supposed to be the lyrics, unpremeditatedly creating more depth for the song.
• Wolves & Buck's Dr. Martens' series makes me crave for a pair so badd ... Although the Martens are ridiculously overpriced here in Narnia and the designs aren't really that creative and I'm sure there's something wrong with the quality also, I still wanna own a pair in black or in dark maroon. It's probably high time I left the girl world to be on my way to the group of kids who can't see the difference between guys & girls' clothes.
• "If you're gonna come to hate someone later in life, give them a dslr camera and watch them struggle with craving and saving up money for lenses and accessories"- Alex.
• If you keep saying random genius quotes like that Alex I think I'm gonna have to write about you.
• Pet human takes my thoughts to a whole other level. I need to sort this notion out before even thinking of applying it in real life.
• I'm gonna go to bed early tonight hoping this tiredness that I'm feeling will help me with an instant, no lying around thinking bullcrap sleep.
• Doing the 241 project without the pressure of having to take one good & representative photo is like doing homework voluntarily without thinking about whether the teacher's gonna check it the next day or not. I need to train this evolution to apply it to other numerous situations in life.
• Other emotional situations to be exact.
• Okay enough with the crappy talk. Hope you had a nice Monday and have a happy Tuesday folks :D

Yoghurt cup #59

credit: tumblr

• I feel like Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minds.
• Bought a new lens. Was blissfully overjoyed since yesterday.
• I've bought a couple of more things too, a watch, a pair of boots, a bag for school and stuff.
• I've been quite into dressing in black lately. I seriously hope this doesn't have anything to do with my so-called mental instability. But when I'm standing between choices for clothes to wear I always end up with the black ones. 
• Oh well, at least almost all of my shoes aren't black.
• German class isn't fun like it used to be before. I miss my old teachers and the view from my seat in class is the most inconvenient view in the entire planet of Earth.
• Had a meet-and-greet today with the new class of high school, and oh dear why are the boys in that class so amazingly cute? They carried the stools for us to sit and sang for us and did all sorts of stuff that I'm not acquainted of in real life. Why can't I make more contacts with that kind of human being in my life?? Why wasn't I born three years later???
• I swear if I have to see one more photo about any Lauren Conrad or Whitney Port's books I'm gonna lose it.
• I was very surprised today to have made it on time at my old high school from university as the bus that was carrying me was moving with such a despising velocity that made me flip and think of two million ways of getting myself out of it.
• I've been listening to The Honey Trees and a random playlist consisting of eight songs in my phone that I was too lazy to put more. That was it for a monthful of crappy thoughts that doesn't quite help me with any mental evolution I usually require in my neurons.
• I Will Follow You Into The Dark is the only reason I still think of him as someone with at least a sense.
• The creepy part is that I can't sing that song anymore. Like, can't put myself into singing it. Like, every time I make an attempt to sing, my throat gets stuck.
• The 600D is surprisingly not as I'd hoped it would be. The visual display isn't as nice as the 550, the flipping screen is annoying and the Mark II kit lens looks kind of cheap. But oh well, I've seen some of the German kids rocking out that lens like a boss so after all it's about who's behind the camera.
• Was thinking of posting some of the photos I took at Pacey trying out the new lens, but you can check them out on my facebook anyways, that's where I store all of my shallow surfaces, so I just posted the things that have been inspiring me lately. The first comic I think will forever stay my all-time favorite comic on the planet. It just sums up every wandering thought of mine ever since I was a kid in such a brief and creative and childlike way that it becomes astonishing to me.
• I am so glad I can still write. Not writing for a period of time makes me feel like I'm fading a bit. Literally.
• "Like, when you're bored you go listening to music, taking pictures, and he takes out those papers and starts learning." - Alex.

Yoghurt cup #57

2012's wishlist:

• Charles & Keith sailor flats
• Guess watch
• Boy CD
• A collection of Jockey pj shorts
• Chanel nail polish
• Fish-eye lens
• Bitchslap all of the ones who deserve one
• A Colt
• No, I'm very serious about the Colt.
• Contacts

• Ughhhhhhh I hate finals!
• I very much need a bath right now.
• Studying Psychology listening to Boy (again, yes, actually, I'm glad that I finally got rid of that song Never Easy by Kurt Nilsen. Very curious to know how many times I've listened to that song in the past few days, ever since I discovered it 3 days ago).
• I bit all of my nails off again. I knew it was gonna happen.
• And right the minute my nails look like crap, I have an urge to paint my nails to some colors.
• Ugh me and my crazy head!
• All of the photos above are from this guy Metin. Flickr sometimes pleases me completely by popping out of the blue someone whose photography style is to my taste by a hundred and seventy percent. If you notice you're gonna see I'm such a fan of his work that I put the link to his flickr on the recommendations of my blog.
• And the bokeh from the first photo makes me crave a 50mm f/1.8 so bad! I know it's not right of me to even lust a new lens when I can hardly manage the one I'm having, but I can't help myself looking at those beautiful bokehs and go dreamy about them.
• Not being able to view my blog is annoying! I usually want to see whether my images appear as I wish after I finish a post. What even is wrong with this internet connection???
• Third day. No luck with the internet connection.
• For the first time in a long while, I'm glad I'm at home.

• It's ridiculous how I've been to Pacey the cupcake shop for three times in five days. Tasted almost all of the flavors in there. I love that shop, no idea why.
• My everyday routine has changed a bit, I can feel that.
• Five days to stay in the city.
• But seriously, who would book a flight at three frigging am??
• I'm thinking of downloading all of my favorite chick-flick movies and spend the entire tomorrow watching them all & eating chocolate.
• Wow I started this post before finals started.
• Something's wrong with the built-in flash in my camera.
• Probably because Hayley poured beer in it on New Year's Eve night.
• Nothing much to talk about. Am I slowly becoming boring?

lust ... i'm so out of space!

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I know that's a bit much of inspired series in 2 days but the beach thoughts just kept haunting me, the thoughts of me having fun on the beach taking numerous photos and getting to buy a real polaroid and some denim shorts.
I can't focus on anything. I tried my best to focus on studying this morning, i did.
But the beach? Comeonnnn!

wanted

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random stuff i suddenly found on tumblr. Credits.

Wanted right now:

1. A vacation. To somewhere with a beach, or stay in a beach resort for a week doing absolutely nothing but lying by the swimming pool next to the beach with a glass of cocktail beside me.
2. I want this fuck exam season to be over with!
3. Beverage.
4. My hair to be as long as it was before. And when all this is over, i'm gonna dye it chocolate brown.
5. ALL THIS IS OVER PLEASE
6. Junkfood.
7. Europe.
8. The Beatles, duh.
9. I wish i'd talked to that guy. I wish Cam had.
10. I wanna go to school so that i don't feel like i'm wasting time fucking around.
11. Stop cursing!
12. Have a nice white room with new furnitures.

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I'm blogging in the dark right now, was about to turn on the light but i actually like the feeling of this. It's chilly here, thanks to the rain, and i'm wearing a shoulder-loose tank top and supercut shorts and feeling the chill on my toes. It's all about the feelings isn't it? I hate studying, i hate the fact that i can't focus for a long time, it frustrates me. And i always believe a change in surroundings could increase my focus for things. But it's just a theory, an excuse to go out on days that i'm supposed to cram myself with whatever's left of senior year.
I still can't believe i'm no longer a high school student. I'm between statuses right now.

My blog is so random i should change the name to Spit Random McGee. It's actually pronounced Mc-Ghee, not Mc-Giee. Yayy.

Yoghurt cup #32

• Watching Remember Me, thinking about the last time i've had a yoghurt cup.
• My package of books and CDs will arrive on Monday, officially. You have no idea how excited i am to grasp a hold of those 7 books. And the McFly DVD.
• I think i scored 100+ in the Advanced Test, depending on whether they wanna count my answers since according to The Boss, my markings were invalid. If they don't count, my marks are gonna drop to 50-. Which is great.
• New target. 7.5. Pointy hair. I've stooped this low.
• Monday was yesterday. The package arrived. 4 books, a CD and a DVD. You just simple don't use words to describe my feelings when i saw those precious lying at the dining table. And i practically slept with them last night.
• I haven't had the guts to unseal the Continuum CD. For one, i know by heart every single song in it, no bonus tracks, no hidden songs, 12 spherical songs, from Waiting On The World To Change to I'm Gonna Find Another You. It's perfect, just holding it in my hands. I didn't expect myself to feel that way at all. It feels unreal, until now.
• The McFly DVD was ah-mazing. It felt as if i was a part of the concert. Singing silently to all of the songs, seeing Danny being a total god on stage with the don't-know-where-it-came-from cravat (i mean, seriously, a cravat huh Danny??) and his breathtaking, crowd-moving voice of his. It felt to me the entire DVD was about Danny.
• I need consultant. Fast.
• Reading Life As A Poser. Kind of fun, since i found out the lovebug of the story is named Danny. This is getting good, haha.
• Waiting anxiously for the results that may be announced today. Or tomorrow. I need a good day at home to eat the results as they come out. Too many questions popped out of my head since yesterday, since the call from Mrs. H. All what-ifs, of course. I've refreshed the webpage about 15 times since this morning. Waiting is not my forte, if there were such a subject at school, i'd have to take a summer class for sure.
• Yesterday's books: The Last Song, Atonement, Life Of Pi and The Little Prince. I cannot wait until i get started with any of them. I don't even know which one i would start first. Mom said she found out a place in the city where i could buy paperback books with reasonable price, since you know, inflation is a dream killer.
• I'm supposed to finish my Lit exercise and mail it to her right now, but, i'm not being a slacker and i did try to do it for the past few days, the exercise is too hard to handle. Cam even said so. But, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
• How about i put on other people's photos here. It's getting quite boring, the blog with my photos. I'm not the one who owns a Nikon D5000.