Ice cream cone #89: another eventful weekend

• So basically in the last post I just summed up a few events that was happening to me then. Now I'm gonna sum up what's been happening to me in a more recent timeline.
• Remember that guy that I was flirting with? Well, he made his pick, and decided to go after a girl who was unbelievable, in terms of character, appearance and morality. Lol way to go. I backed out the very moment I heard he was going after some other girl, not needing to know who it was. If there's one lesson I've learned after my 2 and a half year relationship, it is going to be, never let your emotions get the best of you. After I heard who he was after, I was like, screw him, I'm waaaaaay better than that. Bitch mode: on.
• Right in the days when I'm, nevertheless, still a bit gutted about the above news, that summer fling kid decided that it was a good time to check on me on facebook. You have to understand the situation is that, after the breakup I changed a lot, in terms of thinking with more sense, protecting my feelings from guys and indulging myself. So when I approach the guy in university, and probably when I approached a few guys before him, I was in a safe position where I could see everything clearly, and could back out whenever I felt like it wasn't fun anymore (which is now, how impeccable). That made me think, oh gooooood, I'm evolving, I'm partially immune from guys now, it's a good sign.
• And then he started talking to me, saying that he'll be back this June and wants to hang out and shit. And clear as crystal do I know what will actually happen in those hangout dates. But the problem is, I knew him when my mind wasn't immune, so all of the protections that I have on right now kind of doesn't work on this guy.
• I've been trying to think of terrible sad things that I will have to endure if I let this go too far, so that I won't get too excited and lose control and do shit that I'll regret the entire summer. One emotionally damaged summer is so enough. He knows how to get me though, being all caring and soft, and to be honest, in my darkest moments this year, when I felt more alone than ever, my mind still wandered around the thought whether he would come back at all, and if he did, would he call me up again, cause I thought it was something like a sign that confirmed that he really liked me or something. And then it did happen, and I felt more like shit than ever now that I have to recall all of the shitty feelings that I had to deal with last time when he was gone. So if I can hope for anything right now, I'll only hope for strength, and clarity in vision, so that I won't stupidly hurt myself again and buy 3123 pieces of makeup in hopes of healing.
• So yeah, my summer has started its own routine without me being able to control it. Wish me luck on this hailstorm full of weirdos guys, I'm gonna need it.
• Another thing, head over to my photography blog to observe my trip to escape the heat of the city through a bunch of tacky photos. Thanks so muchhhhh *hearts fly*

Photo source: Tumblr

Ice cream cone #87: the one when I shared my life to the world

• Hello blog, I'm sleepy again.
• How many traditions have I started on this blog? The always-write-when-you're-sleepy tradition, the yogurt cup, the ice cream cone, the dots, the photos? Such weird stuff.
• So I made a photography blog today, just for the sake of it. I've wanted to make a photography blog for as long as I know it, but could never form what the content was. I think it was either about food, or street style, but both didn't seem to plan so well, as I didn't even make an attempt to make anything happen. But then I logged on to my flickr today and saw that I only had about 80 photos left in my bandwidth, and I still haven't made a visa account yet because I'm lazy, and I'm afraid that I can't control myself with things like Sephora or Forever21 or Drugstore.com or Beauty.com or so or so or so. So I thought to myself, blogspot doesn't make me pay in order to upload more photos, they even pay me back if I upload loads of photos (and of course comes the condition that my blog suddenly becomes popular and get 2 million viewers which always sounds like a joke). And I've already run a blog for more than 6 years, at least I have one or two pieces of experience in hand.
• So I created it, quite no-brainy, and started uploading some of my works on it. My friends seem to like it, which is a really good sign. I'm having actual audience. To anyone who reads this blog, I'm sorry I don't believe that you're humans, but because the counts on this blog also counts the times when I view my blog myself, and I view it a lot, and because my self-esteem is very low I don't actually believe there's anyone who's interested in hearing a girl whining about life for 6 years. So, if you're out there, magically reading these lines, thank you for being my audience when I'm just sitting here writing messy crap that are in my head. I wish you many goodness.
• Alongside with the excitement of having people accepting my works and complimenting on my new template, I shared this blog to a friend as well. I've always wanted to share this one, cause obviously I put a lot of thoughts and works into it as well, and believe it or not, this little corner's been my friend for how many heartbreaks and meltdowns and tantrums ever since I was a freshman in high school. Therefore, every time I share this blog to someone, with a thought that they will spend their time to read it and, if I'm very lucky, make efforts to understand me as well, it literally feels like taking a piece of clothing off in some way. This is way too many thoughts and stuff, cause I only write when my head feels heavy, and when I'm sad.
• As we are already here, and because I don't tend to write a lot very often, let's update a bit about how my life goes, so that I'll have something to look back and be moody about 5 months from now.
• I don't know, I guess I can finally say that I've found myself again. I've been doing quite some independent works, thinking about doodling again, busy with schoolwork and English class and the thought of having to register for a gym asap. After I shared my blog, I sat back and read the posts in June, July and August, and thought to myself, how did I ever get out of those times? But I did, and although as devastated as I was then, I knew there would be a day like this, when I'm emotionally stable, having a little cold because of the weather change, and being able to joke a bit in my blog posts. Jennifer O'Keeffe you've been a strong kid.
• One week until my salary comes. The week of dooooom...
• And yes, the appropriate urge of wanting to go to the bar arises at this very inconvenient moment, despite that, it still got me thinking for about 20 minutes when I was on my bus ride home and when I was walking. But no, Jenny, you can't indulge yourself like this. Stay strong, what would Audrey Hepburn do?