Yoghurt cup #51 - Personal

• Now i know the feeling when two people break up but one says "we can still be friends".
• Low self-esteem has finally got a hold on me.
• My fucking classmates and their fucking superficial brains! What are they made of? Turd???
• Still listening to The Unloved and realising how relevantly connected it is to this period of time I'm storming through.
• Now looking back at my past, I must say I've done quite a nice job raising myself on my own. The fact that there are now other normal people suddenly interested in my life makes me go quite dependent a bit. Like, finally having someone who understands the feelings I'm struggling with, or at least someone i could slowly fall for.
• I'm serious about this. This is probably the appropriate time for this blog to go private. Because lately it's been lack of photos, of silly random stuff that happens around my life that i wanna report, it's been flooded with personal feelings, too personal to be exposed to anyone. I might delete all of them later, who knows.
• As I was sitting with 2.5 yesterday on the balcony and he was telling me, not exactly stories, but more like meaningful sentences that summed up a time in his life, I had to alarm myself. I could sense my feelings for him has changed somehow. I never had any intention to take him seriously, to think of him more than just a friend, but yesterday, right at the moment he miscellaneously said that to me, I could feel my shields getting weak.
• Here are the problems if I indulge my feelings towards him: 1. How long can I pretend that I don't like him that way? What would happen if he suddenly had a girlfriend? 2. He stated very clearly on almost - every - conversation - we - had that he didn't think of me that way either. If I get in too deep, I might as well just hurt myself, since I know, more than any of those turdheads, that he's not ready for a relationship. 3. He also stated that I'm not his type. Hahahaha this sums up all doesn't it? 4. Do I only like him because he's probably the first person who treated me exactly the way I've wanted for years? And if we replace him with another, just as handsome, just as galant, will I fall for him too? 5. I think too much. They say just embrace your feelings naturally, but I guess I've failed in communicating for so long, now for once I want my feelings to go to the right person who can respond mutually.
• This is a typical example of my mental war. I wonder how many percent of my brain I've used.
• Now the fun stuff. 
• Music that i've been listening to lately. Very very pleased to find more awesome records to listen to. Plus, they're recent releases, not another 60's or 90's.

~ BOY - Mutual Friends

~ The Kooks - Inside In/Inside Out. I know I've been on for this record for a while, but doesn't mean it's not good enough for long-term research.

~ Coldplay - Viva La Vida. Pretty ridiculous I know, but the sentimental mood lately got me listening to a lot of Coldplay, and the more I listened, the more awesome it sounded.

~ Backstreet Boys - Never Gone. At least it was released in the 2000s right? KTBSPA!

~ Regina Spektor - 11:11. Very accurate since today's November 11th, 2011. Happy 111111 day world!

• Been reading back Catcher In the Rye too. Suddenly realised how related I am with Holden Caufield.
• Been watching back The Art of Getting By the 53523rd time. Planning on watching Keith and downloading Away We Go. Indie spirit anyone?
• "The birds have been indie". There's a doodle with this quote on my facebook wall earlier this morning.
• Writing blog in the morning brings a pleasant mood.
• Lol at how careless I am to schoolwork. I have two million exams to care about and the only thing in my head right now is how to express myself in front of 2.5.
• Reading this article about Dialectical Materialism. Gonna get back to reading Catcher In the Rye later, gonna make up an excuse to sneak out to have my hair dyed this afternoon, gonna spend the rest of the day trying not to give a fuck about people and about how much of a terrible friend I am.