2011

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Goodbye 2011. May the best is yet to come.

Yoghurt cup #57

2012's wishlist:

• Charles & Keith sailor flats
• Guess watch
• Boy CD
• A collection of Jockey pj shorts
• Chanel nail polish
• Fish-eye lens
• Bitchslap all of the ones who deserve one
• A Colt
• No, I'm very serious about the Colt.
• Contacts

• Ughhhhhhh I hate finals!
• I very much need a bath right now.
• Studying Psychology listening to Boy (again, yes, actually, I'm glad that I finally got rid of that song Never Easy by Kurt Nilsen. Very curious to know how many times I've listened to that song in the past few days, ever since I discovered it 3 days ago).
• I bit all of my nails off again. I knew it was gonna happen.
• And right the minute my nails look like crap, I have an urge to paint my nails to some colors.
• Ugh me and my crazy head!
• All of the photos above are from this guy Metin. Flickr sometimes pleases me completely by popping out of the blue someone whose photography style is to my taste by a hundred and seventy percent. If you notice you're gonna see I'm such a fan of his work that I put the link to his flickr on the recommendations of my blog.
• And the bokeh from the first photo makes me crave a 50mm f/1.8 so bad! I know it's not right of me to even lust a new lens when I can hardly manage the one I'm having, but I can't help myself looking at those beautiful bokehs and go dreamy about them.
• Not being able to view my blog is annoying! I usually want to see whether my images appear as I wish after I finish a post. What even is wrong with this internet connection???
• Third day. No luck with the internet connection.
• For the first time in a long while, I'm glad I'm at home.

• It's ridiculous how I've been to Pacey the cupcake shop for three times in five days. Tasted almost all of the flavors in there. I love that shop, no idea why.
• My everyday routine has changed a bit, I can feel that.
• Five days to stay in the city.
• But seriously, who would book a flight at three frigging am??
• I'm thinking of downloading all of my favorite chick-flick movies and spend the entire tomorrow watching them all & eating chocolate.
• Wow I started this post before finals started.
• Something's wrong with the built-in flash in my camera.
• Probably because Hayley poured beer in it on New Year's Eve night.
• Nothing much to talk about. Am I slowly becoming boring?

Random playlist

The most random of all. I've been quite uninspired lately and the mere act of looking at the keyboard while I'm typing this gets me amused in a weird way. I'm still very much procrastinating on studying Philosophy. Dreading subject. If you ever have any intention of getting your kids in one of the universities in Narnia, don't. Your kids are going to end up being boring like me, or commit suicide.
Haha I'm just kidding. It's not that bad, I'm just boring and bored.
I'm seriously committing to the idea of taking enough photos with Cam to do a stop-motion movies next time we go out. But all must wait until finals are finished.

So here's the tracks that I've been listening to for an awful lot of times lately.

• One Direction ~ One Thing (Acoustic)
• My Chemical Romance ~ Sleep
• Selena Gomez & The Scene ~ Hit The Light
• Rihanna ~ Rehab
• Marina & The Diamonds ~ Radioactive
• Boy ~ Little Numbers
• Boy ~ Boris
• Why is it that Boy sounds so much better played on the music website than on my iPod or on my laptop???

That's basically it. Not much. I haven't been doing anything much lately. Literally.

But seriously, Boy sounds so good it's ridiculous!!!

The room tour

I'm very bored today. Got up at 6:30 in the morning, I was suddenly worried about my future exams which specifically comes in the shape of Philosophy. So I took out all of the papers and started reading and taking notes. Then Alex stopped by to have breakfast, and I tried to study some more but unfortunately I couldn't. Then I fell into this massive boredom and I took out my camera and started talking photos of my room. I even made a random video and am uploading it on youtube.

Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah everyone! Hope you have a great holiday!

Yoghurt cup #56

• I hate to say that facebook knows all, but really, it knows all.
• Doesn't mean that I hate it any less.
• Oi facebook, I still hate you. I just admire your coincidental sensitivity sometimes.
• Half an hour, was the time I spent today reading the Philosophy paper. I'm going to fail this and mom's going to kick me out of the house and I'm going to have to be a bum at Cam's house.
• Lol or she's going to stuff two million things about how terrible life would turn out if I keep failing like this.
• But I seriously need to concentrate and read this. I mean, after two times of focused reading, I memorized some.
• I want one of those Stella Im Hultberg drawings! But my favorite is sold out. I was very determinedly serious about getting one :<
• And the shipping fee is $30, almost as expensive as the drawing itself.
• I hate living in Narniaaaaaa !
• Blogging at night is rather fun.
• Except for the fact a fucking zit has paid a visit to my right cheek. No more makeups to school tomorrow.
• It's a sad fact that I'm starting to be dependent on my makeups, starting to feel uncomfortable stepping out on the street without them.
• Slowly understanding why there are some of those kids refuse to go to college and they go on a volunteer program or get a job instead. After twelve years of doing nothing but studying, I purposely chose to spend another four years living exactly like that all over. And yet that choice is graced by the entire society, everybody came up to me and said, great job Jenny, congratulations on being accepted. I know I'm not ready for work, but if you don't start somewhere, you'll never be ready. People warned me about how different college life would be, after a semester of experiencing it, I still feel exactly like high school. Maybe it's because my faculty only enrolls more or less 50 students every year, and the fifty students are divided into two class, that doesn't make many differences comparing to my twenty-nine-classmates-class I had in high school, also, we haven't had much of intense studying, we have plenty of free time spent on hunting coffee shops, blogging, reading books that are irrelevant to the course, making friends and exploring the city. As much as I very much enjoy that life so far and feel like this is what university feels like, teaching yourself about social life and stuff, I still feel like I'm wasting my time. In Narnia you basically can not get a good job unless you're a graduate. So that leaves me no choice but to attend university. And I did, with pleasure at first, getting accepted with flying colors, but indulging bores after a while.
• And you would probably gonna have to endure the numerous posts about how exhausting the work might be if I actually got one, but, I don't know. Maybe I'm just having one of those 'never satisfied with the life you're having' moment.
• I'm actually very satisfied. I don't even know what's wrong with me.
• I'm gonna have to edit all of the photos I took from now on. Having edited some of them and looking back at those which I posted without editing, they looked pretty hideous.
• I love the fact that they write down all of their experiences in a blog. I admire and envy the lifestyle.
• Why my blog is named Spit McGee? It's because of my love for Willie Morris' book My Dog Skip, adapted to a movie starring Frankie Muniz and Kevin Bacon, I read about his life online. He had another book called My Cat Spit McGee, which is basically about his cat, obviously. So when I decided to make a blog I just went with the flow and named it to the first thing that came out of my mind. Very random, very in character as you can see. Except for I'm well aware that Spit McGee isn't a girl's name.

Yoghurt cup #55

• Life's not fair. Get used to it.
• Whoever says that looks can't conquer them all is simply ugly and trying to be a forgiving person.
• And whoever dares to say looks aren't important is naturally beautiful.
• GODDAMNITMOTHERFUCKERFUCKTHISWORLDFUCKYOUTOHELLFACEBOOK!!!!!!
• Aaaah don't you just miss Jennifer's daily dose of tantrum?
• People don't care about your personality if you don't have a breathtakingly beautiful face and naturally hot body with dreamer's curves.
• It's true. It's like, if you happen to own an awesome set of character, for instance, you have a great taste in movies, like one of my friends in class, he watches the entire Batman franchise, listens to metal, is a fan of Heath Ledger and all, but doesn't quite strike people as someone who has a normal taste in clothes and is not good-looking, other people, like those girls in my class, considers him to be some kind of a weird nerd. Whereas when I hang out with him, I got him into talking about Christopher Nolan and frankly, he was pretty awesome.
• But admit it, I'll admit it myself, I'd always prefer to hang out with Tyler and Alex, simply because they're handsome as hell. And for all these times, I don't care much about how my friends look because all of my friends are either polished or smoking sexy.
• When it's about my taste of people, it's fine, but when I'm playing the ugly role, it sucks.
• But then again, food heals everything.
• I'm not gonna pick up the phone and call him tonight. See? As I type that down, my firm will is starting to tumble. Ughhhh be strong Jenny! Be strong!
• And I'm getting sick. It's about time. Apparently I get sick every single time I take a nap. Well, obviously, me and napping aren't going anywhere in this relationship. And somehow I just wanna pick up the phone and call him and tell him all about this bull crap.
• But no you're not! He's not interested! He's not interested! He's not interested!
• I took a couple of food photos earlier today. Maybe I'll go edit them just to keep my mind off of the urge to pick up the phone and do something stupid.
• Like, please, he talked to me yesterday like he was pushed to, only being extremely polite with me and endured my shitty stories for half an hour.
• And when I asked him frankly this morning 'are my calls disturbing you?', he answered 'no, yes'.
• KEEP THAT IN MIND EVERY TIME YOU HIT THE CALL BUTTON JENNY!
• I'm gonna go edit the photos right now.
• I had a terrifying dream last night. So terrifying that when I woke up, I spent five minutes just breathing and thanking every possible thing in this world it's just a dream.
• I'm thinking of buying a letter clutch.
• That's all I could think of at the moment to stop myself from calling him. It's not gonna be that hard Jen. You're just making things more complicated than it really is. Just breath and do productive stuff like actually studying Dialectical Materialism.
• As if. Ugh. What a heading.
• Alex texted me last night with the probably cutest message I'd ever received from him ( and yes, almost all of the messages are like 'can I borrow your Psychology book' or 'where are you why aren't you in class' -.- ), saying 'Jen I wanna hang out with you so bad!', made me feel almost as good as when Ty texted his casually cute messages before everything happened.
• And yeah after the mental boost I tried to give myself yesterday I still found a way to call him. I pretended not to know that Haley stole my phone and got his number and called. I've lost it. Completely.
• I don't like having casual plans for the weekend. Like, studying from Monday to Saturday morning, meeting your girlfriend on Sunday, go out with her somewhere and stuff. I'd much prefer to have one weekend filled with going-out dates with friends whom I haven't seen in a long while but still find them unexpectedly easy to catch up, another just lying in bed thinking about personal stuff and doing German homework. I hate having casualties and I avoid my mind from shaping the acquaintance of casualties. Because I hate the feeling when suddenly, casualties change, and you have a hard time figuring out what you're gonna do in that supposed time. You feel the unnecessary loss the whole day, wasting a perfect weekend (imho all weekend days are polished perfect, except for last weekend) staying at home scratching your butt feeling uncomfortable.
• I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm extremely lazy I don't even wanna commit to anything, even weekend plans lol
• Laying in bed, sneezing, listening to acoustic songs, hugging the hugest and softest teddy bear doing German homework feeling weirdly good. I don't need a guy in my life.
• Still haven't bought the blazer.
• As much as I fucking hate facebook and the shallowness that it brings out in people, I must admit the timeline mode looks pretty awesome.

Yoghurt cup #54

• Two weeks and a half of 2011. I'm thinking of doing a sum-up about how 2011 has quite fucked me up but put me through a LOAD of things, but I'm not even sure if my punctuality or my exam schedules will ever let me do that.
• Three weeks until the exams and I haven't had shit in my head. What the actual fuck is Dialectical Materialism and why do I even capitalize the heading words of that subject??
• Listening to The Morning Benders again. I just suddenly realize I tend to listen to a lot of Morning Benders when my head's not set right.
• My blog's been containing quite a lot of nonsense lately. I should've shared them somewhere else.
• And with Camellia admitting 'I put on eyeliner to school everyday, and except for the nerds, all of the girls in my class wear makeups to school', I no longer hold any hesitation in going to school looking all fucked up without makeups.
• Thinking of wearing the flowery dress to school today.
• Nope, not a chance. Unless it's a maxi dress, then, no way!
• That reminds me, I haven't even had a real maxi dress, or a dress that fits the eye of social dressings in general.
• I don't wanna do anything. I want something to inspire me right now so that I could pick up my sketches and start working on a piece of doodling. 
• The moment when my four-years-younger sister could give me pep talks that actually made me feel better than Hannah.
• I'm not gonna start on Hannah again. I need a good one week of not talking to her so that I won't turn this feeling I'm having towards her into hatred. I remember I wrote about her somewhere else, saying how selfish my purpose of keeping this friendship with her is. Makes me feel like a horrible person.
• I'm gonna go take up an attempt to draw something now. More writing later.

Festive bokeh

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Coffee haul

A couple of photos taken in a coffee shop we went to this Wednesday. The photos always tend to be super grainy when I upload them here, so for more quality photos check my facebook, I've publicized this album only :D

Have a nice weekend!

Yoghurt cup #53

• Yesterday something happened that questioned me about everything this 'relationship' was built on.
• So here it goes. This is not gonna be a happy yogurt cup. I think i'm gonna have to go private after this, but it still depends on how the words are gonna come out.
• I went out with Shire yesterday at a bistro called Pat' a Chou. Beautiful sight, festive decorations, delicious food. We took many amazing photos and i was utterly & blissfully happy. See photos above or check them out on my facebook. End of part one.
• I got home and mom & I had a real mother-daughter talk, one that i've never experienced before. Basically she told me about how the two guys at the real estate company was interested when they heard that my parents have a daughter who's a freshman in college. Wait til they actually meet me. End of part two.
• I switched shoes with 2.5 yesterday as well. I had one of his Converse and he had one of mine.
• After a few 'oh Jenny did you take another one's shoe by mistake???' mom told me maybe we're moving too fast. As friends. I remember the feeling when I heard she said that. I told myself, she doesn't know him like I do, and we're just friends, doing crazy normal stuff. I don't think much about it, neither does he, so what the hell.
• Because the photos turned out so beautifully I at least showed them to three people last night, including him. Among the photos I took there were a couple where you could see Shire's face. And he asked me if I could introduce him to her.
• This is where the problem starts. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm starting to like him, the serious way. And no matter how many times I remind myself 'we're just friends, we're just friends', I know by guts how badly I want him to like me as well. When I used my head to picture such a vision of us being a couple, I don't see a long-term commitment. That was my biggest shield from letting myself to like him. Other barriers are just the hardship to admit some of his characters if we were dating and how easily I could accept them when we're just friends, how I felt that he wasn't practically right for me, although so far, he's the most amazing guy who's ever appeared into my life.
• He's treating me like his girlfriend, or at least I feel like he does, making me feel special and stuff. Other times he'd just take a fight with me, simple fun fight, those moments i truly felt like a fucking 'dude' in his eyes. Like yesterday, after I told him about the two real estate guys and he told me he wanted to meet Shire, I went to sleep simply saying to him 'I'm going to bed', thinking how unloved I truly am in this world, reading Penny's note 'screw the world i love you honey', realizing how many things i need to set up in this friendship (oh so now we're gonna call it friendship, not relationship, relationship sounds fucking creepy), he called. When I picked up, he hung up right away. I texted him, 'Crazy or something?'
• He texted back 'Uhm, ilu'.
• Please stop. I'm not that experienced when it comes to reading signals, so please stop sending me sms like these.
• How much i actually wake up today and appreciate my mom's words.
• Ahh i need to keep a cat. Cats won't send me mixed signals.
• Long time no update. My life's been a bit messed up as you can see. 

Excuse me while I go back to my dreams where good things actually happen to people and the underdogs finally find love in the end.

Yoghurt cup #52

• How tired I am right now, yet another post is being written when I'm very very sleepy.
• And it's only 8:08pm!! Makes up to endless nights of staying up too late.
• For example I stayed up til 12:38am last night/this morning (the whole am/pm thing is really messed up ._.) just talking to him.
• God I just don't understand why he kept saying he wasn't good-looking. When we were derping (lol, we were seriously derping the entire fucking place for about 3 hours) in the coffee shop and he was sitting on the couch higher than me, I took a look at him, and was amazed at myself for after almost two months of knowing him I'm still sometimes awe-struck by how good-looking he is. 
• And he was dead serious about the road trip to the beach. How on Earth am I gonna be able to sneak up on mom about this??? I've got a plan already, but it's gonna need some serious consideration and help from Hannah. Hannah if you'll love me enough you're gonna have to back me up on this.
• This is the first time I wish I were those kids who stayed in the dorm. Then I could be free to do whatever the hell I want to do.
• Picked up a book about Moscow yesterday in the coffee shop and all of a sudden the definition of beauty has found its way back to me.
• How I wish I could have brought my camera to take photos in Russia *SOB SOB SOB*!! I want to go again!
• For a moment there I just thought, wow, my life used to be exciting.
• Making myself quite a habit of reading back the IMs after talking with him. 
• I SO DON'T WANT TO BE A 'DUDE' IN HIS EYES! What's with me and girliness?
• Totally ignoring that i have a Psychology test tomorrow. 
• FUCK IT I HATE SCHOOL! The only thing that motivates me to study is him.
• Look how scary it is that he naturally reigns my life.
• I sound exactly like those girls who are always whining about being alone after a minor so-called heartbreak, although lately I've been finding myself understanding more about their world.
• It came naturally though, I had a situation, thought about a simple solution, miscellaneously thought, 'oh that's what normal teenage girls would do', and silently realised how far I was from the line of being happily careless.
• I'm finding myself overthinking a lot of stuff lately too. And for the first time, it wasn't fun anymore.
• Look how sentimental those were! Where did the fun yogurt cups that I effortlessly wrote go???
• Feist - So Sorry.