Ice cream cone #91

• It's funny how every time I run into something that I need to blog about, I think about it too much, to the point where I forget where I began. That's why when I try to write on days like that, I usually don't even know where to start.
• I'm really scared thinking about the future, about the things that are going to knock me down. There are days when that motto "the best days of your life haven't happened yet" doesn't have the strength to hold me up anymore. These couple of days definitely haven't been that best days that I was expecting last week. 
• Honestly I was astonished at how heavily the news did its impact on me. I just simply thought, oh well, it's over by now, I can pride myself on saying that emotionally, I've been well. But I guess sooner or later, I'll find out about the bottom of this. Contrary to what lots of people want me to do, which is to sit down and confront that person to confirm if it's all true, the more I hear about it, the more I want to keep myself away, the farther the possible to that character. I don't want to have anything at all to do with it anymore, I just wanna keep all of the toxic people out of my life. 
• It's hard though, to say the least, thinking back about all those time and then convince myself that it's all just a lie terribly told in exchange for some cheap opportunity that don't even mean anything by now. When I said about how someone should paint one of the milestones red in my relationship so that I could be alarmed about how rotten it was, they should paint it on the first milestone. It's a fucked up relationship in the first place. 
• I'm in no position to think any good about this person. I feel like everything, including the gifts, the text messages, the phone calls, the sorry notes, anything that makes me sick to the guts to name are just a bunch of stinking dog shit that was thrown at me. I had every intention to burn all of the gifts first thing when I got home, but then I thought, shoes are not guilty, and some homeless girl out there could have them, not knowing that they were bought by a shit-faced character as bribing gift. I have this vision if I sit down and ask if all of this were true, every word that I'd receive would be another pile of lies. I have to thank it though. Thank you for making me realize how actually terrible a person can be, and how after so many devious attempts to take advantage of others, they're still a ginormous loser. 
• I'm gonna get through this, in one way or another. Maybe after some watches of Perks of being a Wallflower and some pieces of makeups. I'm gonna be okay at last, but I guess some nights you don't go to sleep with happy thoughts :)