- When I started out this yogurt cup/ice cream cone thing I thought numbering the posts would be a good idea, as I can keep track of where my thoughts flow and how they gradually change as the numbers go bigger. And that was pretty much how it works. I think the yogurt cups are the most accurate scale of how I became such a person, as I don't write them that often, cause I always feel like being at a loss for what to say each time I do two of them in a short time.
- I always had this notion in my head is that, what would I react if I saw myself in the future. Would I hate my future self for being too old and unnecessarily mature, or would I find myself such a badass? 5 years from now I might not have time to write blog anymore (although I sincerely hope that I will), have a job, have a closetful of working clothes and a counter full of makeups. I might start to worry about premature wrinkles, or how much sugar my boyfriend (presumably that I'd have a boyfriend by then) consumes everyday and such and such. I might just be anybody but myself at that moment. Normally I'd find that thought exciting as I love changes, and I'm trying very hard to be positive about the future, but right now the thought scares me, I'm going to turn into someone I don't even know.
- Reading back the yogurt cups I just realized how immature I was back then, with all of the things that happened in my relationship and last summer and my 19th birthday. You simply can't write the same after such stuff. That also makes me wonder what will happen next, and how drastic will my writing change because of these ongoing things.
- This post is by far full of confusion haha.
- I'm lining up some ideas for the photo-blog so that I won't get brainwashed during sleep and forget everything tomorrow: repost unpublished Hanoi photos, repost unpublished Flower Street photos and post the new rooftop shoot. Three upcoming posts so far, hmmm soooo exciting!
- Another idea is that I'll take photos of all of my favorite things in summer and put them in a post. Like, sweets, places, smells, colors, music and stuff. I'm starting to feel like the photo-blog is leaning on the personal side again and I'm doing it for my own pleasure. Oh well, if that's the case then I guess I just had another source of inspiration.
- So, briefly about today, I ran into 2,5 at the Cakes & Ale bakery, while I was sitting with Camellia talking about how she saw her crush going to the movies with (yet) another girl looking all intimate and stuff. I was talking too, about how I'm preparing myself mentally for that summer breakdown that I know somehow I will have.
- I should've realized how fucked up this relationship with him a long time ago, probably from last summer, and should've had the strength to break it off and save myself that lot of time. Now thinking back at all of the milestones of the relationship, they would've painted a milestone red about 10 or 12 miles before the end, but I guess I was scared, and weak, and didn't know myself that well back then to realize the warning. But well, you learn something new everyday.
- As much as I hate to admit it, because it makes me sound like a terrible friend, I don't like being upset for too long. People who think too much, are subjective and have a tendency towards literature often enjoy the trauma, according to my observance. It serves as an inspiration to them, just the same as my tragic little stories give me material to write a long blog post every now and always. But in all honesty, although they probably don't feel like it, I don't like to emotionally torture myself that way. But the reason why I always wind up being in the same situation as them is because: I get bored too easily. When life is peaceful again and all of my friends are nice and I'm enjoying this single life, I get bored, that's why I have to go on and find myself a drama. And what drama could be faster and more explosive than a guy? So in summary, I literally scatter my emotions and actions around just for the mere reason of boredom, and hell do the karma come back.
- I just really hope this new Lana Del Rey record is good enough to get me through 3 months of summer.
Another good one. People read Chicken Soup, I read this.
You are stronger than you realize.
You are more cruel than you realize.
The smallest words will break your heart.
You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
Never stop yourself from texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9:30 a.m., tell them again.
Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
You will be scared of all kinds of things— of spiders and clowns and eating alone— but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes, someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners, but still fill a bed.
Always be friends with broken people. They know how to survive.
You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
You will be okay.
You will be okay.
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