my favorite things

Like that song in Sound of music, another all-time favorite musical of mine.

 This is the book that I'm currently reading, with a worse than hideous cover.

And this is the bookmark that is now in the book. This is a gift from my neighbor when she got back from Korea a couple of weeks ago. 

These are the infamous flowers that I mentioned yesterday.

 These are my favorite lipsticks: the YSL glossy stain #12 and the Shu Uemura rouge unlimited supreme matte #MCR 342. They play a role of my toys when I'm bored.

 This is my favorite blush which is Benefit's Coralista. It looks like a kid's toy at first but no kid's toy can be -that expensive in that size, and I always had this so-called self-ashamed time after I purchased any makeup product.

This is my favorite glass. I like it because it's big and can hold a lot more water than the other cups in my house therefore when I'm asking someone for water I'll get more than the rest. In the glass is my least favorite cereal ever but because ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten, I still treat them very ethically.

This is my favorite body mist that smells like moringa.

These are my favorite pens, all from Germany because I believe that Germany and Japan make the best stationery in the world.

This is my favorite postcard from Russia, which you have seen me featuring in my one hundred posts before. 

These are my favorite CD and DVD. I even got a tattoo out of the Mayer's record, you can imagine the situation. 

These are my favorite Danish butter cookies that I feel like I deserve to have after a long and hard day of doing absolutely nothing productive at all.

And this is my favorite me with my hair unwashed and my nails chipped off as usual, sitting in my yellow room taking no-face photos in front of a dirty mirror.

Yoghurt cup #68: 19

• I guess everything started when I was 19 years old. I think for me there was this invisible line placed somewhere in life that once I crossed it, I started experiencing things through a veil of glass, not deeply involved, but was exposed to what the world actually feels like. I started seeing cracks everywhere, even places that I was certain from birth was flawless. I grew up believing that there are sacred things that would never be throbbed, and they would somehow remain that way as time goes by. Only now do I understand the inspiration coming from dealing with the real wold, although what I've been going through was just quite shocking to a spoiled and over-thinking me, they weren't any overly dramatic events that made my life take turns or something.
• I started reading Kitchen yesterday I think. I've been accidentally watching and reading more than one movie/book about loss, and how people deal with it.  I think a me at the age of 18 wouldn't understand and be patient with the continuing of the book as I am now. But I've grown a little bit from then, and was feeling uncertain whether I should be glad or sad that I'm not myself from yesterday.
• I like buying makeups, like, the expensive ones. Not because I'm obliged to use them everyday, although I still do, just putting on random things like lipsticks or blushers or perfume samples. Just because I like to arrange them in my drawer, seeing them all in their places, and imagining myself taking them out of their bed, using them on my face, smelling them, having another good look at how carefully they're made, and then putting them back exactly where they come from. I don't know if it's the girl-side that's finally got a chance to show or if it's some kind of weird addiction. I could spend hours taking them out of the box, seeing how the packaging is made, how the product is so well-designed, finding a way to rearrange them somehow. That drawer is probably the only place that's always neat in this room.
• I like a room change. And I've had mine. Grandpa's moving here with us in a day or two, and we had to move half of the couch to my room to make some space for the living room. And I love the idea of having a really huge couch in this little room. I'm not sure whether it will change the atmosphere that I've been feeling for the past 5 or 6 years, but I adore a different aspect that I can discover. I finally have a spot where I can sit down and watch the people down there living a life. And my huge teddy bear won't have to sit unwanted on the stool next to my desk.
• When I crossed the market this morning, I got some flowers with the idea of finally having something to put into the thin and weirdly-shaped vase in the room. I got the vase for a surprisingly cheap price when going china shopping with a certain person, and not once, in the 3 or 4 months since I bought it, have I managed to find a single flower to put in it. Have to be honest I felt kind of ashamed of myself, because that empty vase was the proof that I only do things spontaneously and am a lazy bum who can't even find a stick of flower to complete whatever I started in my head when I paid for that vase. But now I do. Just simple tiny flowers in pink, purple and white, watching them bloom in my room kind of makes me feel, I don't know if it's similar to when I used to keep my fish in the room, that I want to do this on a daily basis. Not because I've discovered my talent in flower arranging, as my mom brutally commented on my piece of work that it 'looks like a witch's broom', but because it made me feel like I have a habit based on hobbies now. Hopefully this one will last longer than the other less-fortunate hobbies of mine.
• It's late and I have to answer some of the emails like a professional worker who's neglecting the fact that she's lazy and never try her best and then decide whether I should finish Kitchen tonight or have a good sleep instead.

random yogurt cup

• Oh well, holiday's officially over, and I'm at a loss for words when thinking about going back to school.
• I haven't had much me-time lately, for the longest time I could remember. Possibly because my job got a hold in me, and all of the leftover time I consumed in tumbling and sleeping and going out eating.
• Which led to the fact that I've gotten chubby. And yet ready to taste every good dishes in this city.
• I've discovered lots and lots of places which has lovely views and magnificent food. And frankly, my definition of magnificent food is that they fry with butter and roast veggies with melted cheese.
• But you can't deny that they're not good!
• I didn't do anything productive in my holidays, spent a load of money on food and makeups, as usual, slept like a bum, watched Japanese anime and idol movies, slept a little more, went out and took photos with flowers in the background to prove that I still had a life, ate some more food and babbled about how boring my life was.
• I'm trying to make my life look a little bit more bright, like positive thinking and bright-colored items around me. I literally have to carry my facial wash and mud mask bottles everywhere I go cause I have to move around a lot lately.
• I'll have to run to school to get the textbooks, and then "travel" down to my campus to attend classes, in the excruciating heat of the all-year-round tropical city. Wish me luck!

Valentine's day gift

I love you too!

* hearts flying hugging hugging kissing kissing *

Yoghurt cup #67

• I'm back to my old living life faster than I thought I'd be. Probably because it was the life I was completely devoted in for the past four years that I was too eager to grasp a hold of it.
• Back to the days of listening to unknown music, enjoying a jazz song with cheesy but sweet lyrics, having an urge to write, to take photos, to even leave the vanity life that I was suddenly into. 
• Why is it that I know exactly what to do, but still let myself flow with the current? I'd be better living alone, because I'd always be too demanding, too time-consuming, too much of a bad influence just by speaking outrageously words that I won't even give a second thought to consider.
• How is it that I could have forgotten about how actually good the lonely life sounded for such a long time? What was I really chasing? Faded feelings that I'd been craving for such a long time? What did he have to offer me? Half a heart and a forced smile? That was what I was willing to trade everything for?
• My hair falls down a lot. Probably because of the heat of this city. Living under this heat kind of stops people from thinking deeply I think. They only start digging their minds when the rays strike and all they had to worry about was a shade to stand under and a piece of tissue to wipe of the sweat. There's really no time for anyone to go find a spot for their own, because all places in this city is covered in rays of blazing heat.
• There's no place or time to balance a man in life.
• I want to go eat out and go buy some canvases and hang on my wall yes that's what I'll do.
• I have this talent/disability to be able to forget about upsetting things when I'm around people. Maybe that's why people never see me getting sad. I hate that feature about myself, makes me feel like even I honestly have no feelings about it.
• Christmas is near. The thought of Christmas always warms me up I have no idea why.

Yoghurt cup #66

• 11:40pm. Sleepy night, again. I've had intentions to write here for a couple days now, just to know how it would feel like to grasp a breeze of what my mind used to be.
• I feel like I'm changing everyday I don't know why. I give myself more rights to do indulgent stuff, which I affirm that I deserve after a lifetime of working nonstop.
• And I have been working a lot lately. First time to know how it feels like not to have time to nurture your darling personality anymore. I've cut back my tumblr time, and my blogging time, I barely log on to blogspot anymore, which used to be something I do every three hours of a day.
• Not having time for myself led to not having time to think about what is messed up with my life. Actually, as busy as you might be, thoughts will find their way to creep into the creeks of your mind, waiting for the right time to burst out.
• A well crammed bus with thoughts merely around how to get out of the bus alive, and how to sit without having any skin contact with the person aside, or how to get back at a mean person who stares shamelessly, or sleeps with such creative and unbearable postures. Thank God it's crammed, and thank God all I had to worry about in the bus was how to win the air conditioner with the guy next to me who spent the entire hour on the bus lecturing his child at home.
• So that I don't have time to think.
• Watched whatever's-left-of-a-used-to-be-beautiful-sunset today. And fucking sadly, he found my spot.
• I don't mean harm, but we can't get along no matter what. Probably because I look at people in life different than mom, or because I'm not old and wise way before my age to be attracted by such characters that are endearing and stable. Fuck endear, fuck stability, every time I look at their marriage, it creeps me out with the weirdest feeling.
• Good to know that I can still speak English. Thought German has found its way to invade my linguistic side of brain.
• As you change, you realize you believe in less people, and the best people will always leave. 
• This is why I don't wanna think about the future. For one moment there, I had thoughts about 5 years from now, will I still be friends with him?
• He seems to be the most important thing in my life right now, and I spend an apparently big amount of time of the day just to talk to him. Regardless, he's irreplaceable, and I'm not opted for a backup solution if he has sudden interest in that fucking tits-face walking round the school.

Updates from me. Nothing new, just me being depressive, as usual. Listen to John Mayer everyone!

And I honestly still don't understand how this blog's page view still goes up in a mysterious way.