Ice cream cone #83

• This was me 4 years ago, taken a week after my 17th birthday. Just how much has changed.
• I don't wanna be someone who constantly looks back on every step she's taken, but, I was going through my facebook profile photos today and saw this. I remember this was the time I wasn't very confident about having my face directly in a photo, hence the mug. The mug, by the way, was a birthday present by a dear dear friend of mine, whom I think I'll remain having respect in, I might say, my entire life.
• As I grow up I've found out lots of things about myself, like the fact that I can't concentrate very well, I love red but red doesn't love me back, I'm a control freak, and most of all, I completely suck at keeping a relationship.
• That's why I was shocked, much more that I'd imagined, when I saw the news, just popped in, like a lost blind dove that hits the glassed window. I had weird and uncomfortable dreams about it last night. It just feels like another one has slipped away, and it's all my fault.
• Maybe Camellia was right, when I was taking this photo, I blamed the world for what was wrong in my life, and hoped that as I grew older, problems would solve themselves and I'd be rested at last. But little did I know, it only got worse.
• Now looking back at it, I didn't even try. I threw the chances out of the window for no reason at all. I fucked up, acted silly, made a fool out of myself, so what? It's just another slipped away, only one I didn't expect. 
• I always thought he was the light in the lighthouse, that safe vision that you have whenever you turn around. I just need to know someone like that exists. But, the boat is lost, and there's no need for lights to guide it home anymore, what's the use of keeping it anyways. The electricity that fuels the light could be used for something much more in need, not just a boat that never touches shore.
• What happened in 2010? Like, what did I do, what did I think about? It's funny how every time things like this happens I look back at my past and, secretively, envy my younger self for not having to acknowledge and suffer any of this.
• But, it's never good to feel down. I don't like feeling down, there's no use in it and I'll just eat more than usual. Therefore, my short-term goal right now is to successfully not think about this, and maybe focus on more important things.
• I'll try my best, I promise you that, Spit.