Yoghurt cup #73

• Scorpion's most basic nature is revenge. It never settles to the short end of the story, if it's hurt, the others must know, and feel the same, if not worse. But, there's something that's left unsaid about Scorpion. It's not going to be that brutal if someone could truly understand what the meaning of all the crazy acts it's putting, and tell Scorpion that it's OK, someone gets you, I've been through what you're going through, and it's going to get better. Stop making yourself miserable. Here's some ice cream, here are some good books, read them and you'll find your will to move on.
• But if I had someone like that, someone to hand me books and ice cream, I wouldn't be sitting here all messed up talking to my blog like this.
• I don't understand how people could go through relationships easily, like, how do you even feel when you break up, when after the breakup you do a bunch of fucking silly things that you know exactly why you do that and how stupid they are but you still do anyways because you're desperate like that. I know, I know exactly why I did all of the things I did for the past few days, but I couldn't control it, I couldn't let myself pile up with all of the anger, the sadness, the eagerness, the hope that was happening at once, I had to let it out somehow. And my way of letting it all out wasn't exactly the very sober way I guess.

• I'm out of tears to cry. This evening when I was washing the dishes and really had a moment to let all of this sink in, my mind replayed everything with unnecessary details and clarity, but I was just like that, with a hole somewhere in my chest and my eyes completely dry. Every once in a while, I lose my ability to cry, which is somewhat a good thing because one, I usually have trouble breathing normally after crying and two, I was able to think a bit clearly and not fall into the depth of emptiness.
• This constantly reminds me of last January, when I was experiencing this for the first time. But this time is even worse, because last time only lasted for a month, and it ended up quite happily I guess. I don't even know when this will end, and I feel useless.

• I can't I can't I can't I just keep looking back for the way things used to be but his words blocked me from entering the sweet garden. He's run out of patience, and so should this be over with. Going back to the old track seems to be the safest way to get myself out of the miserable state, but what will happen? How long will I be able to live with those words shadowing my mind?
• Har-har, basically, whatever choice I make, I'm still desperate, and miserable, and hurt.
• That's quite nice to know actually.
• I'm going to bed.