Yoghurt cup #66

• 11:40pm. Sleepy night, again. I've had intentions to write here for a couple days now, just to know how it would feel like to grasp a breeze of what my mind used to be.
• I feel like I'm changing everyday I don't know why. I give myself more rights to do indulgent stuff, which I affirm that I deserve after a lifetime of working nonstop.
• And I have been working a lot lately. First time to know how it feels like not to have time to nurture your darling personality anymore. I've cut back my tumblr time, and my blogging time, I barely log on to blogspot anymore, which used to be something I do every three hours of a day.
• Not having time for myself led to not having time to think about what is messed up with my life. Actually, as busy as you might be, thoughts will find their way to creep into the creeks of your mind, waiting for the right time to burst out.
• A well crammed bus with thoughts merely around how to get out of the bus alive, and how to sit without having any skin contact with the person aside, or how to get back at a mean person who stares shamelessly, or sleeps with such creative and unbearable postures. Thank God it's crammed, and thank God all I had to worry about in the bus was how to win the air conditioner with the guy next to me who spent the entire hour on the bus lecturing his child at home.
• So that I don't have time to think.
• Watched whatever's-left-of-a-used-to-be-beautiful-sunset today. And fucking sadly, he found my spot.
• I don't mean harm, but we can't get along no matter what. Probably because I look at people in life different than mom, or because I'm not old and wise way before my age to be attracted by such characters that are endearing and stable. Fuck endear, fuck stability, every time I look at their marriage, it creeps me out with the weirdest feeling.
• Good to know that I can still speak English. Thought German has found its way to invade my linguistic side of brain.
• As you change, you realize you believe in less people, and the best people will always leave. 
• This is why I don't wanna think about the future. For one moment there, I had thoughts about 5 years from now, will I still be friends with him?
• He seems to be the most important thing in my life right now, and I spend an apparently big amount of time of the day just to talk to him. Regardless, he's irreplaceable, and I'm not opted for a backup solution if he has sudden interest in that fucking tits-face walking round the school.

Updates from me. Nothing new, just me being depressive, as usual. Listen to John Mayer everyone!

And I honestly still don't understand how this blog's page view still goes up in a mysterious way.

• Here I am, another sleepy night with my blog.
• How long have i abandoned this place?
• Anyways, same bed, same laptop, same stories, just a different person telling it.
• I've changed. In a way that's able to fit work and study in the same day, try not to think about the choices and mistakes I've made, talk more, think a little bit less, and only about important stuff. 
• And try not to get accustomed to the fact of having him around.
• He thinks too much about things that I don't think about, and I've learned about realization a lot while knowing him. I wish I could take emotional stuff as easy as those other girls whose lives I've witnessed, but I can't. That's what the brain is for. It's there to remind us that our heart is a stupid creature that has a power more than it can realize.
• I saw a little cat today. It was so small I feel like it can stand on two palms of my hands. I want a cat, or I just want a creature small enough with attitude like a cat. 
• Every once in a while, I still realize I'm alone in this world. What am I trying to do ?
• 
  

Yoghurt cup #65

• Probably longest time no write, I was quite pleasantly surprised to see the new layout for the 'Compose post' page :'D
• I was going through some stuff lately that I couldn't write down. I guess I've changed my life routine a bit as well to adapt to the changes. I don't feel like myself that much, I feel more like I've just started the journey to find myself.
• As I stepped the other foot out of their world, suddenly, it becomes so strange to me. It almost feels like I never belonged there, and the people living in it never considered me to be one of them. That world gives me a feeling that anyone who gets chosen in must go through somewhat a test and once they're in, they fit with each other perfectly, like a puzzle.
• Is it too wrong to not even regret? I don't feel anything at all. It just feels like I'm on my own now. I'm a step farther from things that forced me to think differently than usual.
• I'm not even sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, it's just what happens right now.
• I'm a stranger again. Nobody knows me.
• In The Morning - Bee Gees
• I wanna travel so bad, to calm and to direct my head from thinking unnecessary things.
• Nothing is permanent. There is no such thing as a person who will willingly spend their time with you. Never let yourself forget that.
• I might set this blog on private because nobody reads it anyways, and I'm starting to write stuff that some of my followers who actually know me in real life wouldn't be comfortable to read.
• Watched Dark Knight Rises today. Pretty awesome the Robin part. And all of Anne Hathaway's lines. Very well done Nolan.
• And Zimmer has really stepped to another level with this movie's score.
• People who don't watch any other part of The Batman sequence please sew your mouths up when you're in the theater.
• Tyler & I discovered a coffee & crepe shop that has a Doraemon figure puzzle. And the crepes were sooo good I was so overjoyed D':
• And it's just right next to the university. How majestic is that.
• I'm starting to want to back out from this volunteering program. How is it that I always get myself into so - many - things that I don't even know how to get out???
• I have to buy contact lenses because wearing a pair of glasses is starting to be a burden to my vision.
• I have officially gained no interest towards makeups whatsoever. Partly because now that I no longer have a best friend who is a makeup addict, I no longer have to care about looking good as a responsibility. Partly because Tyler makes me feel comfortable even when I'm going out with him in my bare (and unbearably ugly) face, therefore no makeup is indeed needed, and the makeup removing procedure takes so much time and energy and I usually get allergic from the makeup removing cleanser that I'm using, so, it's not exactly the best feeling in the world to put on makeups.
• It's like I'm living in another life. A temporary life that will change, or is changing in front of me.

Random June.

A couple of boredom photos to celebrate the fact that I screwed up at this morning's test and my sudden realization that I need human so much more than I could imagine.

The flea market.

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Going to the flea market has somehow become a need each month. Although I never acquire enough financial support to buy whatever I want, I could still satisfy myself a bit with a couple of crazy bracelets and crop tops.
And, it rained cats & dogs yesterday, which made it impossible to stalk and photograph beautiful girls.

Oh my God for a total of two days I totally forgot that I had a blog! And now I'm back on my blogger homepage to happily find out that my favorite photo bloggers have uploaded numerous of wonderful entries about their perfect little lives.