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Eating Shio-ramen with Camellia. Maybe my passion in Japanese food really only lies in California rolls and katsu-don T.T

Yoghurt cup #63

(Random photos that I saved from the first and second page of my tumblr. Basically all of my photos are lost in negative space because of my numerous times of bringing the computer to reparation T^T)

• Longest time no write. Although yes there were times that I've abandoned this blog in a longer time than this, this feels like the longest because you log on to your blog everyday, stare at the blank Compose page in front of you for about ten minutes, then turn it off because you have absolutely no idea how to start describing your life in the past few weeks.
• I have to admit i got a little bored as well, but I guess the very main reason why I didn't wanna blog much lately is because I haven't any photos to start a yoghurt cup.
• I want the silly bandz so badddd! When I have my first salary I'll definitely buy the first silly bandz packet that I see.
• And I've bought a bunch of friendship bracelets and got obsessed over it. Basically whenever I have money in hand all I could think of was "How can I get to the mall to buy some friendship bracelets? HOW???"
• And every once and always when I have money in hand I think about food.
• Like right now. I want that imported chocolate cookies.
• I think I'm in my bulimia phase since I'm hungry all the time and crave for anything in the corner of my eye.
• Time after time, I've taught myself how to cry in complete silence, to hide my swollen nose and reddish eyes, to breath without causing a single sound. 
• What if I'm dead? I don't want anyone of you to pretend like you care about me. No feelings are achieved naturally, they're all a part of an exchange. No, really, I'd rather have nobody care about the fact that I'm not here anymore than having people crying and mourning and do all bullshit stuff that they feel obliged to do to earn their Good Person title.
• Godddddd if it weren't because of the responsibility that this society has put up on human I would die right now.
• Humans are disgusting.

Stormy weather

Photos taken on some of my go-out dates recently. When the city wasn't wounded.

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It's sunny again today. What a city. No matter what she's been put through, the next day, she still manages to cover itself in sun rays like she's trying to say, now now, everything's fine now. 

I can't stay anywhere else other than here. Although there were numerous times when I desperately wanted to move to the seaside and stay for a month or two, I always came crawling back "fix und fertig" as the German usually said to love this city again. 

Cold days like this reminds me of the early summertime, which got me thinking, why does it always feel like all of the good things that I thought happened to my life, I always assumed they happened in the summer? Summertime on a morning after the nighttime rain, listening to acoustic music, dreaming of a visible object, like a camera that I now own, staying alone in my room staring at the bookshelf on the wall picturing what it would be like in university. Oh sigh at how much has happened since that thought, since I used to play these songs. 

I started this thing in my journal under another depression about a year ago when I was in senior year, the reason why I  had depression, I had no idea. It seems like I always feel unhappy, although like Tyler straightly commented on my life, there's nothing to be unhappy about. But that thing was that I would picture myself a year from then, in order to find an escape from reality, which probably was I was under a bunch of pressure about studying and the university entrance exams and stuff. I only got to two days of that little project, then as boredom kicked in, I got back to writing bullcrap about how I was mistreated on everything which actually now looking back, I wasn't. I really wish my stupid bullcrap wouldn't have jumped on my face and I could continue to write for a few more days. In those short entries I wrote, I pictured myself knowing a headful of German words, which is by far quite true, being an exhausted but blissfully gay and carefree little freshman who would come home in a good mood everyday after school. Haha, but I must've forgotten to picture the people that I met in university. It was them who changed the picture.

I've wanted to continue that project, but the timing last year was absolutely impeccable because I acknowledged very well how in the mere two years my life would alter completely. Now it's not even a good time anymore.

This has gone a bit longer than a "short thoughts" tagged post I usually do, so I'm gonna stop babbling about things now.

Have a nice week :)

Yoghurt cup #62

credit: tumblr

• The amount of stuff that happened this week, although it's only Friday today, was hectic.
• Crappy online news paper that do crappy little work with people who think they're important and need that title, hiring the aspiring kids to do the crappy stealing work, fooling a generation of young kids with spoiled information and falsely directed lifestyles.
• My laptop's somehow still broken Y_Y
• Doing this work really makes me question my sense of photography. 
• People sometimes try too hard. I sometimes do too. I have this weird obsession with dazzlingly magical kids that sometimes I kind of plan out a list of how-to-act-like-your-dream-kid and follow it. I know people unconsciously have that wish to be one too.
• I kept this pipe dream that if I'd applied to another school, I wouldn't have felt quite lost like I do right now, but it's true you can't judge a book by its cover, I'm in my most suitable environment already. Stop struggling with things you don't have!
• Playlist: Bon Iver - Skinny Love. I'm very curious to find out how many times I've listened to this song in total. The Kooks - Ooh La & Kids. Been listening to an awful lot of The Kooks as well. And never underestimate the power of indie music when you're in a bad mood and need to make a decision. Lucy Rose - All I've Got. Soothing remedy. There's something fragile and light in her voice, she's like a softer, more delicate version of Ellie Goulding. Ellie Goulding - The Writer.The song for a good mood. A cute little song with cute little lyrics for those who are in love. I couldn't listen to this song for a couple of days at the beginning of this week. Lana Del Rey - Born To Die. I like her not because now she's become mainstream and her record topped the chart of about two hundred countries or shit like that. She's dramatic, I love a little drama.
• I need to re-download The Silver Seas' album.
• Little git, I miss you all the time, which is not a thing I'm supposed to do.
• And I tell more people about this than I ever should, I just needed to talk to someone, and I couldn't seek the escape I wanted so I tried another one. I always regret afterwards. And as I don't normally believe in human faith, I have this ridiculous fear that people will talk about it.
• I have to fix some things.

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I hate Mondays! :(

Today sucked so far, but thank God the people who did the misery to me were at least nice. I'm gonna lie around watching Monday TV shows tonight eating carbs hating on life. Have to be amazed at the amount of food I was able to eat when I'm angry.

Stop being delusional about that rejection message!

Saturday morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I should find a will and stay at home for an entire weekend once. Because look what I could do in a day when I'm a bit moody, as usual, and stay in my room, I finished that book L'Amant. So, when I don't flee around the city doing God-knows-what, I would love to lie around my room, taking badly arranged photos and pretending to have a life.

This is definitely just a phase, you're probably gonna see me locking myself in my room in a week or two, updating my blog almost everyday, just you wait.