I don't wanna write anymore.

somehow i've managed to loose all of my interests in blogging ._.

Yoghurt cup #47

tumblr. I'm obsessed with food photos. Bonus a photo of the cutest kid ever had to grow up to be the hottest man.

• I feel like there's a stranger in the house. Although i force myself not to think like that, it just evolves naturally on its own. You know when you're trying to get to know someone in a superbly short period of time or the time is corrupted once in a while and in the end all you have is an overload of information, you still realize you don't know anything about them at all. I don't think it's just me, i think this is mutual. I actually was gonna write 'between us' after mutual but i think we're so cracked up to even being put in the same pronoun like that.
• Sometimes i think single-satisfying outcome results aren't ALL that we need in life. Especially if it involves forcing, even the slightest sign of it, people into doing it. No i'm not talking about sex, i'm talking about building a healthy familial relationship around. I have to admit i'm pushing people away from me when i see a slight deformity or differentiating character, but this is unacceptable in close term, especially when it happens in a lowly-populated familial size. Building a relationship, that's what matters. This is a less serious case of having to choose between inheriting colossal fortune and being with someone you love. Actually as i write it down, it doesn't even bear the slightest resemblance. It's just bullcrap.
• The entire foundation of this 'thing' that has been going on is bullcrap, no matter what way i put in into.
• I'll take the blame in this and say that i chickened out and backed off a bit, but for a moment there when he's not around and i could get my head straight, i did give the thought a serious consideration.
• Fuck it i'm making things two million times more complicated than it really is.
• The more i think about how mom found out about me dissing the goddamn Philosophy teacher the more irrelevant it seems. What are the odds of my photo with about 20 comments pop up on the dashboard of someone who haven't been on facebook forever, and what have they been doing, gathering back-to-back reviews about first college impressions? I've tossed & turned thinking about how bad my words could've been, since i deleted the facebook page and no longer want to participate in that manipulative world of stalkers and tallywackers, they couldn't have been that bad i swear. I didn't curse, i think i stopped cursing in my native language a while ago, and what i said could've been a normal little sarcastic conversation we were having everyday if we were in high school. A little under professional if you masters want to put it like that. I love pulling out the 'we're fucking teenagers and we're allowed to act like careless freaks til we turn nineteen' to throw at people's faces as a legit excuse to get out of it, basically defending myself from my own judgements. But i've been living with mine for the past two days, a little worried that she's gonna find out and try to do something to me in class. But after a few burns i got going through high-school phase my skin's pretty tough now and as i'm writing this i just realized i'm not even afraid of that anymore. What the fuck anyway.
• A thing that needs more finger-crossing than the final destination of the news is that in my indulgingly stupid moments i shared this blog with some people. Now i have to sit around hoping none of them have any connection with the freaking mess i just described up there. I don't wanna lock this blog anymore than i want to sit down and watch season four of Gossip Girl.
• But seriously, what the hell have they done with the witty and amazing script that was absolutely to die for in season one and two??? The books stops, you stop. Now all they do is to dress up actresses and hope that the million-dollar budget on wardrobe is gonna keeps some viewers around. Pathetic!
• Absolutely-no-music-to-listen-to. i must give Regina Spektor and The Doors a shot!
• Rained. Woop woop.
• It's still extremely hot though. What is made of this land???
• Going to get some stationery this afternoon, but it looks like it's gonna rain again.
• I want a MAC blush.

Yoghurt cup #46

tumblr

• My God i hate university!
• Teachers are unbelievable, classes are nonsense, i only liked one class, which is about Linguistic, sorry my English isn't good enough to translate the name.
• I mean, seriously, i HATE the attitude they have towards us. I thought they wouldn't give a damn about us and let us do the work needed. They go up in class, talk their bullcrap, complain about how we lack social skills and future goals, try to make a low rent joke that i can't find hilarious at any level, frustrate me at every level. How am i gonna get the scholarship if i can't find any joy in studying any of this?
• And i missed the bus today. First time. Not a bus virgin anymore.
• Had one of those ice-cream at school. Ended up having stomachache afterwards.
• I can't believe i'm saying this, but i want to go back to high school!
• Can anybody please take me back to senior year?
• My classmates are just ... different. They don't have the same vibe of thinking or language package. Maybe it's just first step problems, but i can't help feeling like i'm overthinking things and that makes it hard to, what do they say, mingle?
• Having a celeb crush on Harry Styles makes me feel like a pervert. The guy's a year younger than me. Makes me feel like a 2000-year-old. 
• I'm looking for that video on youtube that when Daniel tells everybody to go 'Lumos Maxima' there's fireworks coming above Hogwarts. I literally fucking cried when i saw the gif made out of it on tumblr. What is wrong with me???
• After winding on flickr i found these two awesome people who take equally gorgeous photos and are friends/dating. And i was squealing (silently, but still a proper squeal) like a moron. Ughhhh why can't any of my friends be that awesome? Why can't I be that awesome?
• I think i'm gonna have to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's again.
• I watched How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days like yesterday. Not very good. No chemistry at all. I think the movie lacked chemistry even more than that movie Fool's Gold they did later on. 
• I've downloaded 4 more episodes of X-Factor and i'm wayyyyyy too lazy to watch them. Don't know why. Maybe because i only wanna watch the 1D bits but still wanna grasp the entire atmosphere of the season. 
• No new music to listen to. I've been listening to Bright Eyes for the past few days. The thing was in my ipod for half a year now i didn't even bother to listen to it. Quite nice actually. I feel like i talked about this before but i don't remember.
• I wanna go out, put on make-ups and stuff. I'm just kind of fed up at the moment.
• Okay this is getting ridiculously long.
• And i still haven't had dinner.

Yoghurt cup #45

photo credit: tumblr. I'm not sure where they came from actually because people don't usually post source on tumblr ._. But i'm pretty sure the Harry Styles photo is from a magazine photoshoot.

• After a few attempts to take a decent photo yesterday i gave up and just used tumblr photos instead. I've been way over my head busy with travelling up and down to university learning bullshit observing abnormal mind-shaped people entering the hall I lost faith in my ability.
• I mean, seriously, i just met a girl who wore glasses with no lens this morning! I always consider wearing glasses to be hideous since i own a pair and am too heavily near-sighted to ever taking them out of my face. They prevent me from putting on fake eyelashes, or having too much mascara, and i can't imagine in my life how a person could be too interested in wearing glasses that she didn't even bother to find a pair with lens.
• And yesterday i was stood up by this goddamned school. The class isn't supposed to start in a week and they're too busy doing whatever the hell they were doing with their lives to even announce to us. And it took me more or less an hour and a half of mixed activities including jogging on unstable surface, running after the bus, dealing with unbearable people on the bus, more jogging under the rain and getting all of the dirt splashed on to my hands, ... to get to school. 
• I don't even get why out of five days i've spent in university i've been stood up twice.
• In hindsight, i need a new bag, or a new pair of shoes, or at least a new piece of jewelry to be cheered up.
• I've been spending three days at grandpa & grandma's house and had to stay the night. I swear i'm allergic to every-possible-thing-on-the-surface-of-earth even strange fabric dust. That explained the nonstop sneezing at night and the running nose basically every waking moment of mine.
• I really really really like her right now. For multiple reasons: she lives in St. Petersburg, she looks like Audrey Hepburn mixed with Pixie Lott at some point, i don't know she's just, perfect? And she always wears ballerina flats. Kind of like taylor swift but a million times better.
• I still have to translate that darn thing for mom ._.
• I'm gonna go buy some coffee and fatten myself with sweets now.

Yoghurt cup #44

• I love good food.
• Had another terrible day at school.I barely drank any water today in order to refrain from going to the bathroom. Must admit, climbing up to those steps on the first floor of the building has its own interesting side, especially for someone who's always been fascinated by bizarre thoughts.
• Well, other than that, some kid poured this passion fruit juice all over the place where i sat in class in the afternoon. How could people do that to each other? We're top of the food chain, we're not pig-related or anything. Gross!
• Well, as soon as we finished the class, i had an urge to leave the place at once. And once again, the force went against me and let down a pouring rain. Two girls, one umbrella and terribly heavy bags running in the rain was such a scenario. I had to say goodbye to my favorite pair of flip-flops from Accessorize, since they were horribly damaged. 
• And still i have to show up at school tomorrow to meet up with my will-be classmates and the faculty from my department. Oh nice. I tried talking to some of them today in class but they were distant and, as Kenny said, didn't seem to trust me. Ok seriously what's with the city-kid isolation this is ridiculous!
• But then i took the bus and got first seat and the driver wasn't as rude as the previous one and didn't stop for gas on the way. The walk home from the bus station wasn't as far as i felt it was everyday. I got home and had a nice shower with my hair washed carefully and tried on white sugar as an exfoliating method, and to my great surprise, it worked really really well. I felt so refreshing after using it, definitely gonna do this three times a week.
• Then, i logged on to my blog, planning to write an awe-struck entry of yogurt cup, and found out my last yogurt cup got three comments.
• And i gained one more follower.
• Oh my god! First, two of my favorite bloggers commented on my blog, then i got three comments on the next one. I am so touched!
• This is just another proof of me wanting to mingle on cyber network more than committing to a serious and unwanted relationship in real life.
• You know there's this girl Bebe Zeva who said that she prefers spending time on the internet looking for friends to going to classes and forcing herself to make friends with the people who aren't exactly the best type for her. Only now do i find it absolutely brilliant. Since you have your personal time to do a research on you online friends, you can acknowledge to yourself whether this is the one you wanna talk with, not pushing yourself towards to talk with the people who probably have already been antipathetic to you.
• Then, after such an amazing minute on my blog, i felt so inspired i took a couple of photos. I'm gonna complete this feeling by deciding to wear make-ups to the meeting tomorrow, so that those kids could hate me completely and i'll have every reason to go back to my blog.
• Probably won't be a good idea when you're in need of something they're capable of helping.
• But well, you can't depend on people forever. Have to take matters into your own hands.
• Wow look how easy i am to hold a grudge against someone i don't even know.
• I'm so weird i look at my old photos of the pies i took a couple days ago and feel hungry like i could eat a cow. Note to self: never take photos of food that looks good. Or food in general.
• Been putting Heartbreak Warfare on repeat lately. John Mayer Y U delete ur twitter???