Ice cream cone #81

• No more yogurt cup, I've been writing yogurt cup for somewhat 2 or 3 years now. Time to change. But I might keep changing it until I finally can find something that I really like, cause Ice cream cone sounds a bit too happy for these types of writing.
• Unlike yogurt cups. They're neutral. You could like or not like a yogurt cup. I don't like eating yogurt that badly, I just like the idea of a big paper cup full of soft yogurt, topped with lots and lots of fruit and maybe a glaze of chocolate sauce. Well, on some days, my words are just plain yogurt, on other days, they're topped with something happy. Ice cream cones seem like they always resemble something happy, they're never sad, and everyone seems to like a good big ice cream cone.
• That's it. I'm gonna come up with something more appropriate next time.
• Happy new year. On the first week of new year I burnt my leg pretty badly with the scroller, found out that I passed Linguistics, had to stay at home for two straight days, received two comments about how much I've gained weight (one from a colleague from mom's office, one very long and detailed from mom about which exact part of my body have gained weight and how badly I look now). Yayy to 2014.
• Made me come back to think does it really matter that much? They could adopt if I get too ugly you know. They could've done it when I started that acne phrase in 8th grade. I'm ugly all the time if you didn't notice.
• That grammar nazi guy who'd been annoying me secretly for half a year finally took a hit on me, right when I was not in my best mood. And I reacted, as naturally as I could've, and I was pretty sure he sat back with shock and disgust about the new kind of person he just found out in me. Thinking back about it, it's pretty funny though, cause most of the time people just think I'm this easily trusting and quite dinky girl who talks too much and can be fooled by almost anything. Therefore, she can't react for the sake of it.
• Even my best friend thinks I trust people too much. How is that?
• Yesterday I had this terrible migraine that occasionally sneak up on me when I'm not getting much sleep (which I highly doubt since I finished all of my exams about 5 days ago and indulge myself everyday to a 9-hour sleep, hence the weight gain and the very "constructive" comments above), and had this immediate urge to go to bed, or else I'd throw up or pass out at some point. And no calls.
• It's funny to think, since I make the call everyday, having this need to talk, and then one day I don't, and it doesn't bother anybody in the world, that I have to go to be at 9:30 because this frigging migraine was haunting me, he still lives happily and busily. And then i realized something I should have two thousand years ago: He doesn't care about me at all. Why should I make the call everyday, to someone who doesn't even appreciate the effort or the feelings anyways? It's just sick, and I really don't wanna talk to him about it, cause every time I do, or try to, he'll pull out one of the cards, in this box that says "Excuses", and reads loudly and emotionally, and forces me to shut up and accept it. 
• Why should I waste time, emotions and words for someone who has never succeeded in making me happy?
• I had this problem when I was around 16 or 17 is that I truly did not believe that anyone could see through me, I saw those love photos on flickr, I watched all of those movies, I listened to all of those songs, and they appeared fake to me. It's like they made it up to sell to girls who were emotionally inexperienced like me, when I was 16.
• Then I turn 18 and got this so-called "taste" of having a so-called partner. And then suddenly they made sense. Like, I knew the feelings expressed in those works were real, they didn't write it from a place in their brains that only wanted to sell records or tickets. What a revolution.
• And as I turned 20, this so-called partner of mine has made me despise all of those songs and movies and photos that seemingly made sense. Because no such good things could happen to people. Because they didn't happen to me. I'm just constantly surrounded by reasons and excuses and sighs and scolds that I got to the point where I don't understand what being treated well is like.
• And then it dawned on me. I was treated badly by almost every guy who had this fucking idea of interest in me. Summer flings, phone calls to their girlfriends to make sure that they won't show up before making a word to go have lunch with me (it's a fast-food lunch, dumbass -- not like I asked you to take me to a senior prom or anything), messages on facebook asking how I've been, although they're not that very interested in finding out about me anyways,... Why are you interested in me when all you do is to treat me like some kind of stray cat? I'm not scared of being alone you know. It's so much more liberating than having lines and lines of things to be concerned about, especially if those concerns come from unworthy people.
• I'll just wait til Camellia's finished with her exams and then maybe we'll go somewhere and take nice photos and maybe hang out with people I haven't seen in years and forget about all of this goddamn mess.
• And here are some photos to make my post not look so depressed.