- Hello earthlings, it's the 20-year-old-and-almost-a-month me speaking.
- I'm 20 now. No more fooling around doing meaningless things. I'm so old now.
- Oh my God seriously what am I gonna be like when I turn 21, 22, 23, 27, 29, 30? Just thinking about the time and the responsibility and the vague future ahead of me scares me everyday. Most of the time I just feel like I haven't done anything much, just sitting around waiting for chances to come by, not actually get up and go look around.
- And yet I'm 20. Single as ever, long hair (thank goodness for that), one year left in university, not even a makeup lover anymore although now I wear makeups more than ever, wanting to write a letter in my journal but unfortunately I'm not home, I am, with no surprise, at my grandpa's house writing my blog on my stiff bed. I baked brownies on my 20th birthday, there was a ridiculously big storm that day in the city, and I was called by our class servant aka monitor at 4 in the morning to be informed that there would be no class in the morning. And as I peaked my eyes through the window the rain was heavier than ever, and the sky turned into this mysterious purple color that I'd always loved since I was a kid. And, as weird as it might have sounded, it was a good day. There were floods on the streets and the traffic was completely nuts, but I stayed at home, baked brownies and ate them with milk when they were fresh hot. I guess it was my birthday so I could not care about the surroundings for some time.
- As I walked home from the bus stop today I felt more tired, sleepy and hungry than ever. Probably because I only ate a crappy doner kebab in the afternoon and we had two back-to-back tests today in class, one was Linguistics and one was Advanced German, pretty serious stuff. Everytime I start to feel overboard I have this creepy little thought is that when the others can relax and probably go to bed early I have to sit here and finish my work. But, it wasn't a fair thing to say because I procrastinated so much that I couldn't have finished the job very early when I totally could've. Hah! All because of me!
Yes I have to take advantage when the city is getting a bit cold to rock some of the winter pieces of mine!
- Errr we didn't talk today. I kept thinking about that story of a friend of my mom, she divorced her husband because, although after all was set and done they did take some time to give it a shot, the words that were said were too hurtful that neither of them could let go and move on.
- And at the time I heard that story I was too young to understand what power words hold to make people feel so apart. I'd always thought it was something minor, until now.
- I have to admit there was some relief not to be the garbage bin that holds the unreasonable anger and jealousy, actually, it was a big relief because in a day when I return home completely exhausted and a bit ill, my head couldn't take any more of this drama. But for the first time in a while, I felt nothing. It was almost like that point when I was dumped and tried my best to drag myself out of the mess and finally did. It touched the point when I couldn't forgive with feelings anymore.
- Such a shame isn't it? A waste of time as well.
- Sorry to come back with such a sad story. 2013 is almost over and the only achievement I've made in this year is not to mess up with my hair at all. But behold, things are about to change because I'm thinking about dyeing my hair ombre.
- I have to go finish my work at go to bed early because honestly I have no strength left so live well, wherever you are.
Also, something that I found very inspiring:
- If you like someone, wait.
- Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
- Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
- Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
- Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
- Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
- Meet someone new, even just a friend.
- Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
- Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in.
- Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.
- Listen to new music.
- Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
- It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
- Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section.
- Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
- Make new memories.
- Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
- Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.
- Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.
- Learn to love every bit of yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment