Perfection.

People crave for perfection. You're a millionaire, you wanna be a billionaire, you're a billionaire, you wanna be a zillionaire. Although, yes, someone once said 'nobody's perfect' (and i believe it's Hannah Montana), people still search for what's closest to it. Each in their own ways, they go on finding them in new hair cuts, in books, or in others.
I've always wanted to be a girl with dark long brown hair, curled perfectly. I could use a bit skinny, enough to dress like one of those girls with dotted tights and free-sized tees. I wanna be wandering down the streets with a leather bag in one hand and a beverage of Coffee Bean ice blender on the other. I wanna wear a floral headband lots of rings on my fingers and a pair of red doll shoes. I'll wear brown contacts and wear the biggest pair of 70's sunglasses i'll ever imagine! They could be black, or they could be red. Then i'll wave my hand with a New York charm bracelet to catch a cab, then i'll step into one, tell the driver my next destination and start listening to music. Not having to care about school, about homework, about tests that i know for sure that i'll screw up, i'll just be everybody's dream.

I know i spend a lot of time daydreaming, but it's because it feels like i've been screwing up practically everything i touch, the Geography test, Math exercise, being an actual girl, having a boyfriend, or at least, a guy-friend. I remember when i was in 7th grade and i had a guy-friend. Nothing happened, well, i was, and still am, a loser, but just the feeling of having someone who's not very girly-intelligent, not very sensitive but extremely honest to talk to that matters. At least somebody talks to me.
Treasuring the feelings like holding a crystal ball in the hands, gathering evidences from the eyes and secretly envy people who, may not be pretty, succeeded in an aspect i'll never reach. All the anger, and the text messages, and the phone calls, they were jealousy, no more no less. You texted me today: "Hope for the best! Hope for the best!". I will. I always do. Hoping is easy, it's the disappointment that makes it unbearable.

I know it's a bit random and all over the place, i have a(nother) stupid test tomorrow that i refuse to study for. What the heck, i'll screw up anyway, right?

Playlist: Mumford & Sons - Winter Winds.