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Playlist: Frank Sinatra, The Silver Seas and a bit of McFly.

Changed the theme. Basically having lots of problems since i've been using the old theme for half a year. This is an experiment post to see whether the photos are gonna be big. And they are. So, so long new theme!


Changed the colors of the fish, feels like they're not my fish anymore. I'll leave them there for a couple of days to bring some colors for the blog, hopefully i'll get out of this grey addict. And THANK GOD i found the way back to the old theme! Am i that opld that i don't like messing with what's already there? Hope not.

Now playing: The Silver Seas - High Society album. A decent alternative album, artist recommended by Brooke White. Thanks, Brooke.

Sometimes i wonder what is that that has been keeping me writing for so long. Being a person who enjoys the spotlight, i would think that i'd love to have my written work to be read, and talked about. But i've been writing in here, since the very first days of high school, took myself through lots of building-ups, changed lots of themes (before settling down to this all-grey one :P), and not once have i ever thought about abandoning it. It's like a part of your life, like a limb, even when you don't use it, it's still there, waiting for the day it becomes useful. There are times when i had no time to blog about anything, possibly because my life was too bland for words, but after a while, i found the inspiration and started writing again.
I don't know if a person gets better just by laying down her emotions in a foreign language that she's trying not to admit has become as important as her mother language, but i hear people say you'll get isolated if you write a journal. I'm not trying to build any barriers here because if i keep on writing with that story track, i'll end up gloating that i have a secret untold and sooner or later i'll reveal this place to someone. Isolated? Nah! I'm way too talkative for that. And there are 84 draft posts that are unfinished, today after hours of editing the new theme in vain, i read back my old posts, and some of them were really good.

I'll post some of those unfinished stories up here for myself to learn from myself.

And i'm much eager to see where this place will go to.




P/S: My last entry was such a looooooooooooooooooooong entry with lots of photos. Will cut back some now!

Christmastime.

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Here's the story: when i was on the back of my dad's vehicle halfway there, Cam called and said that i should go home, i insisted on a change of plans as telling my dad to go home means no good. Well, there were some boundaries but we met, ordered at GJ's (again, i know), and i spilled her drink on the floor, as you see (i'm so sorry about that!). Then we dropped by at the mall to receive my birthday present which was a month and a half late but it's still a beautiful gift, thank you Camellia. Then we had lunch and got back to her place, that's where i took all those pictures with the perfumes and roses and stuff.

It was fun, as we discussed about shopping and stuff and i ordered some of the Topshop and H&M accessories and i'm desperate to get them delivered.

These are the last days of fun before the second semester begins. I'm trying my best to keep myself as busy as possible to forget about the fact i screwed up 7 over 8 subjects on the final exams and that the marks will come out on Monday and i'll be a very much depressed person.

Ok goodbye. Merry Christmas! I've got Alice In Wonderland to read and a bunch of new rings to stare at :">

2 1/2 days to Christmas.

Before anything is said, i need to blog before i go procrastinating on Chemistry and Biology.

I'll give you one thing, school sucks so bad i can't even say the word 'suck, or it'll immediately blend into the big suckness that the school has been preserving for years.

Or maybe it's not the school, maybe it's life. Maybe it's because i've used all of my luck during the exercising week and during my nighttime life i don't have any left to spend on these exams.

Because they were awful, by all means of that word. I think with this process, i'll score 40 over 80 for 8 subjects, 5 each, if i'm lucky enough.

Since when did i become a foul student??

*sigh* but if i want to end up my life in going Chanel shopping in Paris, this is the place to start. But i don't think they're gonna send a 40-over-80 loser-used-to-be-and-probably-will-always-be to Paris. It's just not right, right?

*sigh x2* ok i'll just go take my 1-hour nap and better start procrastinating right away. Goodbye. Take care whoever you are.

Reminder: google 'procrastinate'. Coffee.

elevator talk.

Why am i always so ridiculously calm and irrelevant when it comes to really intense tests??

Just like now, i'm searching New York photos on weheartit when i'm supposed to study for Lit tomorrow. Speaking of, i can tell if it's New York or not when a movie comes up. That's the consequence of spending too much time in life watching New York movies instead of getting a life.

Listening to the movie Away We Go soundtrack. Oh indie indie is exactly what i need ... Indie music in an indie movie.

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I live in a flat on the 11th floor. My house has an amazing view, especially at night. I have to admit it's hard to sleep when you have a wide window with the whole city blinking at you with their colourful eyes made of neon flashlights and streetlights. Their eyes are full of stories, they're looking straight at me saying: "hey, i've got something i've never told anyone. Fancy hearing it?". And night after night lying alone in my room, i widened my eyes listening to their stories through those eyes. Sometimes i sat on my bed, held my knees and imagined this was New York, and that i was surrounded by my dream city. Some other time, i followed those lights into people houses, being a silent stalker from up high, looking at their furniture, picturing a life different yet familiar in a house i've never stayed.

But it's not the point of what i intended to write today. It's about the elevator.

Approximately, i have to get in that tin box 6 times a day. Get down to 1st floor for school, get up to 11th floor after school, down on 1st floor to go to the supermarket to get whatever we need in a day, this process may be taken more than once, maybe twice, or 8 times a day. Then i get up. Then down again for Math tutor, then up back home at 9 o'clock, finding all of the commercials shown on the flat screen are already turned off and that it's a sign of bedtime.

Of course with that amount of travelling, i bump into all kinds of people going all kinds of floors.

And usually, they keep silent.

The building has been built for almost 3 years, people have moved in and moved out. Some families, like ours, moved in from the very first days. 102 families, on 3 elevators. Noone knows anyone is, so they decide to keep a perfect and beautiful silent when stepping into the elevator. If they are to say something, it's either a scold at the young children or the slight finish of a pre-elevator conversation.

Slowly, it makes a habit. People get scared and tired of asking. Why bother asking when you can read a person's life just by their clothes and facial expression, especially since there are certain kinds of families with certain kinds of jobs and certain kinds of luxurious entertainment on weekends. People always say urban dudes are tired from everything. I think they're just lazy, and shy.

That's why you can imagine my surprise and joy to hear a question, very common, like, high school huh, senior year huh, college huh, which school are you going to, oh that school is quite famous, oh it's so near here, how comfortable. Answers to those questions are simple, yeah, yeah, i know, i know, ok bye.

But it's still a conversation starter.

"Shy people, take off your coats and start talking to each other!". Maybe i should scream that into my own ears first. But you know what the one rule of life is? The mouth is still too far from the ears to demand.

Sometimes i feel like i'm the only one in the world who's guilty because i know exactly what it needs fixing and still i don't want to, or don't think of anything to do about it.

P/S: i need to find a way to edit my blog's theme. Brookie Babble's got a new theme! Envy envy!

Hello, it's me again, completely stressed out less than one week before final term exams.

I've had a rather bad day. It started off with a lack of sunlight as the sky looked like it was 5pm when in fact, it was 6am. The sky is grumbling like a big cat getting starved, i'm sleepy, got meat in my teeth and have 18 geography questions to learn.

College is such a dreamy word.

Am i living in the world full of people who are damn lucky? I don't blame them for being absolutely and ridiculously lucky, but sometimes (or all the time, perhaps) i just wish they would shut up and leave me alone for a while. Not only they're lucky, they're in complete lack of common sense as i remembered having performed my view of not being interested in any of their showing-off-to-see-how-lucky-i-am-and-how-ironic-life-could-be jokes and they just kept hurling up to me.

And you know what's the one thing that pisses me off the most? It's the way they act like it's all their work, it's because they're as smart as Einstein to do the things no other could do. Why don't you just sit down and acknowledge the tiny little thing that's been bugging me the very first day i stepped into this Godforsaken school? Shut the fuck up and enjoy your luck in silent!

I need a new hobby.

My essay.

Life in the future

by Jenny

To my imagination, the future is like a Pandora box that carries the mystery inside. Mysteries are unknown, and people tend to hope for the best out of that unknown. This is me hoping for the best of the world that my great-grandchildren are going to live in.

The high-technology will help people with the boring house chores. Principals will finally let high school students use laptops (at that time will probably be 3-D laptops) in class. In order to avoid traffic jam, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology will have invented a vehicle that can fly and use CO2 instead of fuel. There will be traffic lanes in the sky and limited heights for different kinds of cairplanes (in case you don't know what it means, it's the combination of cars & airplanes).

What about the unchanged? The cultural values of each countries will not only be kept but also be embraced. At that time, Presidents will be competing against each other about embracing their country's spiritual values instead of atomic bombs. Artists will still write and sing beautiful songs or paint beautiful pictures, but those masterpieces will be accessible for everybody around the world. Fashion shows will still be held annually and human models will still be modelling the clothes (at that time the vogue will probably set back on wearing big puffy gowns like in the nineteenth century), but they won't be pushed into barbaric diet schedules anymore. Our grandchildren will still scold our great-grandchildren about things like not doing homework or not emailing them on time. And our great-grandchildren will scream and talk back to them like we do to our parents everyday.

I'm sure i'm not the only one who comes up with beautifully ideal things about the future. Because that's what people are, naturally optimistic. No matter how the future brings you, hopefully it will bring you to the best.

Well my original ending was: "Or we'll all die in 2012 like Vanga said. Who knows." but i thought it was quite harsh. So ...

Songs that needed to be put into cellphone:

1. Realize & The Little Things by Colbie Caillat
2. The rest of John Mayer's Continuum
3. Coldplay
4. Who Owns My Heart by Miley Cyrus
5. Summertime by NKOB
6. Shape Of My Heart, Everybody, I Want It That Way and some songs in the Unbreakable album by Backstreet Boys
7. 2 Atoms In A Molecule & Rocks And Daggers by Noah & The Whale
8. Click Click Click Click by Bishop Allen
9. The Only Living Boy In New York by Simon & Garfunkel
10. Foundation by Kate Nash
11. A Year Without Rain by Selena Gomez
12. One Of Those Days by Joy Williams
13. Pack Up by Eliza Dolittle

That's it for now.

My life always seems like it's buried in crisis.

First of all, the utmost and most worried-about crisis is that, for the love of God, i haven't had a boyfriend. I still cannot believe i care about all this stuff right now as a senior, but study is desperate, and people around seem to be smirking at me with the attitude, what's wrong with you.

I think good looking guys are even stupider than the not very good looking ones. And that's really upsetting.

The reason why did i bring up this forever topic? The guy in my math tutor class was ... fine looking (you know a guy who looks clean, smart but not exactly the hot type?). And he was completely ignoring me.

I understand my problems. But, anyone out there, if you could meet me, you will see that i'm not the type who is deeply ugly that you can't look at very long. I am, but not that bad, aren't i?

I need to push up self-actualization.

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I forever will never enjoy eating a tomato. Here's the process of myself eating a tenth of a tomato.

1. After dunking the piece in sauce, i inhaled and put the darn thing in my mouth and chewed it.
2. Felt the soft and disgusting taste, as a tomato should taste like, in my mouth and started feeling nauseous.
3. Chewed the thing with unwilling attitude, felt more and more nauseous.
4. Tried to swallow it but thought about how much the stomach was going to work, i kept on chewing.
5. When i couldn't take the taste anymore, i took all of what i had left to swallow the pile of careless chewing down my throat. I could feel the tomato, big and hard, going to my stomach.
6. Exhaled.

If the process includes tears caused by nausea, it's normal.

There are three things that i'm not good at: guys, Math and eating tomato.

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We had a debate in class today, each group picks a subject of follow the (bullshit-ish and boring) subjects the teacher gave.

Well something happened.

It made me think maybe i've been holding the grudge for too long and maybe it's time to let go, just to find some more peace of mind.

Or maybe i'm just being fooled. Maybe it's another trick, i've been putting up barriers and that's what has been keeping me safe all these time. Annoying, yes, but that's the price you'll have to pay.

See? Crisis.

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It's almost Christmas, exactly 25 days to my favorite holiday of the year. I thought about doing a countdown to Christmastime but then again, i may never do anything special when the countdown clock strikes 00:00:00. Maybe that's why guys dislike me, they would like someone who follows the countdown clock and has special plans when the clock ends. I never plan, not until it's an hour before, i think.

And guys like girls with specific plans.

I can't even think of a birthday present for Penelope better than the Inception DVD. How could i come up with the masterplan of birthday present for my imaginary boyfriend?

I hate those who don't use lip gloss, chapstick or any lip products. Makes it a thousand times harder to find a birthday present!

GJ's. Life as we know it. Bookstore.

We went to watch Life As We Know It today. As much as i wanted to watch Harry Potter, it was her discount tickets so gotta take what she'd ordered. The movie was pretty fun, 5.5/10.

Met a friend at the movie theater today holding 9 Harry Potter tickets. I was all, can i take one, just one please please please.

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Personal favorite

Pink skyline.

Yoghurt cup #30

• My problem is that, i always forget my yogurt cup number.
• Yes i know it's yogurt not yogHurt, but i'm not going around editing 29 posts plus tags!
• November's almost over. December's coming. Christmas's coming. My city's still drowned with rains brought in by sea storms and traffic still sucks so bad i don't even wanna go out. Maybe i'll just stay in watching Love Actually for the twelfth time imagining what it will be like, Christmas in New York with lights and cold nights at Starbucks and you get to wear colorful tights and long Mark & Spencer jackets just like in Gossip Girl.
• I still wanna decorate my room with flashing lights and a small tree but i'm sure i'll be too lazy to put them out when Christmas is over and i'll leave it until Thanksgiving or summer i guess and there goes the beautiful meaning. I can bore myself sometimes.
• I want to learn some French.
• For the first time ever, i'm perfectly comfortable with my hair color.
• Coldplay is always suitable for yogurt cup mood.
• "New York isn't that pretty. Boston is prettier" - Mom (in respond to my wanting to go to New York to witness the awe)
• Viva La Vida maybe the easiest-listening track in the album, but for me, it's the least appealing track.
• Haven't finished the review for I Am Sam, too busy sleeping. How much sleep does a teenage girl aged 17 need anyway? Because i find myself sleepy all the time: Math class, Literature class, Physics class, tutor, even when i'm already sleeping!
• I can never, and i mean NEVER, be good at Literature!
• And Math!
  
• And Physics!
• And Chemistry!
• Made a promise: I will learn by heart all of the Coldplay lyrics of songs that i've listened by the end of this year. Consists of: The Scientist, Clocks, Green Eyes, Violet Hills, 42, Yes, Cemeteries of London, Lost, Yellow, Fix You, Life In Technicolor, Strawberry Swing, etc. Wow that's a lot.
• Since i still can't afford the crazily beautiful Accessorize charm bracelet, i'm wearing my old fish-bone (if there is such a word) charm bracelet with 4 silver charms. Please, oh PLEASE GIVE ME A CHARM BRACELET ...
• I started writing this at 2:40 and now it's 10:10. Might as well post it.
• Not until i've found an awe-struck photo of New York.

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Teacher's Day celebration. GJ's.

Aah i have headache for carsick. Bought (another) black velvet headband. Got to sit at the lovely seat @ Gloria Jean's again. Worth a headache eh?

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I swear,

Guys are the most stupid specie in the entire world. If you measure the brain of a really really really stupid girl and a really really really stupid guy, they girl's brain's gonna weigh a little more.

Ok it started like this. We've been stalking a guy for about a month or more. I've been through a lot in October and i just needed something to take my mind off of it. So there it was, two girls, one pretty, one ugly screaming and squealing on the balcony across his classroom. If only guys could understand the concept of 'having fun'. We were practically using the guy to entertain ourselves and none of us would ever think of being friends with him to date him one day or something.

Guys just don't have that complexity to understand! They think every girl who were hurling to them are shameless morons who have no self-respect. I haven't asked them to their faces but judging by the despising look and the detestable laugh, i'm pretty sure perverted things are going on inside those filthy heads.

Good-looking guys are worth watching and screaming for, but maybe i should be back to watching Gossip Girl and McFly video clips. Crawford & Jones rule!

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My life consists of a lot of caps lock and exclamation points.

Things I learnt today.

1. Chivalry is dead. If it's ever alive, it happens for pretty girls only.
2. Poems about love are more interesting to study than poems about revolution or country love actualization.
3. Green mangoes are irresistible.
4. Christopher Nolan movies are the biggest threats to History studying.
5. Use an umbrella when it's raining.
6. Batwing tees are supposed to be pretty, whether you feel it or not.
7. Some subjects are created for student not to study.
8. Although your camera is a 10.0 megapixels, it's still a pocket camera.
9. School sucks.

Floramisu.

It wasn't actually a celebration, just a normal dress-up-and-go-out date. I got back home in the middle of a downpour and the road looked like a river. Thank God there were no serious traffic jam.

Here are the goods (:

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i am officially 17.

One year older than the allowed age to audition for American Idol.

One year shy from being able to vote. And to go to jail lol

Feels so old.

Yoghurt cup #29

• Super super busy!
• Math exam.
• PHYSICS EXAM!!
• HISTORY EXAM!!!
• FINAL TERM EXAM!!!!
• Was given 9 in my Chemistry test, almost 5 times higher than my original mark. Felt so bad ...
• Birthday this Sunday.
• Happy birthday to me!
• Class complication. Feeling more interested than worried. There's so many things wrong with me!
  
• Need new cardigans! Better be grey and black.
• Raised my math tutor to 3 days a week. To make myself feel a bit less useless.
• Need new backpack. Mine can hold a cow.
• Planning birthday plans AND studying History!
• Haven't watched a movie in 2 weeks.
• Stopped writing all kinds of journals for the lack of time.
• Got a microphone. Will try to record something this weekend.
• A3.
• Haven't gone out since Cam moved. Quite depressing not to go shopping and having a luxurious life for a moment.
• It's raining and the sky is orange. Just turned from yellow to orange.
• Having my fingers crossed that my Advanced test tomorrow will score higher than the past ones.
• Facebook is wayyy too complicated for a human being.
• That's why twitter is the king.

Playlist:

Coldplay - Lost

Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights

Simon & Garfunkel - The Only Living Boy In New York

One Night Only - Say You Don't Want It (Acoustic)

Green Day - Jesus of Surburbia

Need more of The Killers. And another indie band to be obsessed with when the Morning Benders addiction wears off.

A'ight, quick update to inform that i'm still somewhere in this world. Back to Horror History.

Song of the day.

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Eliza Doolittle - Pack Up.

I like the quirkiness in her voice (:

Yoghurt cup #28

• This morning and yesterday's exam.
• Met old friends. Realized they're not like they used to be. Feeling attached to the ones having right now.
• Thinking about high school hierarchy.
• Almost out of my old diary notebook.
• Got a compliment on how straight my hair was today.
• Kept an eye on a junior. Brown hair, brown eyes, pretty eyelashes. Starting to think i have closer attempts to reach human feelings.
• Completely out of doodling ideas.
• Ditched Math tutor waaaay too much! Will adjust myself at the end of the week.
• GOD IT'S WEDNESDAY ALREADY!
• First day of officially-back-with-no-cutback school day tomorrow.
• Hopefully they'll still let me get my money! Fingers crossed pleaseeeeee .....
• Curse NYDC.
• My face should be thicker. And YES people CAN die of embarrassment!
• Must have watched over 20 crappy movies when i'm at home! Should've spent that time doing something else.
• Surprised at how fast my typing is.
• REMIND ME TO BARF IN THE FACE OF THE DISGUSTING SOMETIMES!
• I want mah moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ...
• Lilly Scott's new band's new EP I Win. Sounds rad. I can't find it anywhere.
• Can't upload photos on blogger. Nice.
• i. want. my. money.

Wants wants wants ...

Terrible days,

People have terrible days, that is true. I like watching movies that describe how people also have bad days when they pretty much screw up everything and that's it. So that i have a crazy belief that i'm allowed to have a bad days.

I'm terrified of bad days, as a matter of fact. And i became superstitious for it. I know it's stupid, i know it, but when you start to believe that some slightly touches could change your life, it comes true. And that's what happens with my life. For so many times i wanted to stop caring about whether i should wear a watch or pick my hair up today, something happened to push me right into the track that i'd tried to forget. And here comes the silly circle of life that rounded out my life.

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I wanna be one of those girls who don't care much about everything. I'm not talking about feeling-sorry-for-the-poor care, i always believed that when i meet someone who truly cares about those things with their heart, i will know. But who knows? I'm not a saint. I wanna be a bitch, as harsh and as stupid as it sounds, a bitch is indispensably pretty and careless for the world. All she cares about is what surrounds her. I wish to be a selfish and shallow, ain't they the happiest people in the world?

My grandma is an example. She is a good person, from the heart she is. You talk to her once you'll feel the same way. And she never has one moment alone for herself, her mind is always devoted to caring for other people. It's either my grandpa, or my mom, or my two aunts, or maybe the groceries salesclerk she met on her way. Most of the time i wish to be a careless bitch, but for one brief moment, i wanna be like her.

Can someone be super bad in the morning and super kind in the evening just because she feels like it?

So that i don't have to be terrified of a bad day.

Mika - Any Other World.

Project.

Planning on a big project this weekend. Hopefully it'll work and i'll have the patience to complete it, cause if i do, it'll be the most interesting work i've ever done.

99,999999999% i won't finish it. I hate myself.

now playing.

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U2 - City Of Blinding Lights.