AWFUL!

I'm telling you this is the second time I've stepped on the road and wish for a hit from a van. I don't know what happened to me today, but what I'd got was so AWFUL!
I woke up at 4:30AM to study Biology cause I got a test today. I'd actually studied (or I thought I had). I went to school and had to study Chemistry in case she recited. During the Biology test, I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I'D LEARNED!!! ANYTHING!!! I almost gave back the white paper. I cried later then cause I SWEAR TO GOD I HAD STUDIED FOR IT, not that I was lazy or something. I didn't get good marks last time, now this.
Yes and 3 in Physics. Don't ask.

The suicide thought crossed my mind like a thousand times today. There was so much happened today that made me wanna give up on everything. Everytime bad things happen to me, I just try to think that it's just a small problem and I'll laugh at it when I'm 30 or something, but there were so much happened to me in the past few months and it really shocked and obsessed me a lot. Yeah it sounds bad when millions of people want the things I've got and I just wanna give up life so easily but it's been a shock to me and I'm amazed at myself about how conscious I've been through all those things. Again, I did it on my own. I can't find any friend that is trusty enough for me to feel comfortable to talk with.
Terrible things happen everyday, every minute, but please, stop causing me problems. Haven't I had enough? Nobody has ever been through such a hard time starting high school like me.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm a dump bag. God can throw me into the dirtiest corners of life and it can still get worse.
Suicide suicide suicide is the only word in my head right now. Suddenly I'm not so obsessed about all those undownloaded albums. I'm just worried about tomorrow. Will I make it through tomorrow?

I can't find my reason of life anymore. How bad can this be ? Just simply wake up, think of yesterday and concern.
The things I'd done 'yesterday' was so awful that I can't stop thinking of it EVERY morning.
What will Mom think if she sees my Biology marks?
It's like being buried alive. I mean it. Slow death.