Sunday.

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When in doubt, I usually put on a lot of eyeliner. Ever since I didn't own a piece of makeup to spare, I found a way to take anything that's intensively black and put it on my eyes. I have to state up front that in my usual makeup routine eyeliner is often neglected. Mostly because my eyelids aren't exactly designed for them, and they will easily smudge especially when I have to spend the entire day at school, and I don't wanna end up looking like a pathetic raccoon when I'm in the bus home at the end of the day. But when in doubt, I put on eyeliner, like a long lost ritual. Maybe because to take time to think about stuff, I need something strong, or strong-feeling enough, just to remind myself how to feel.
And I put on thick eyeliner today, With the split ends like one of those makeups done in the fashion weeks. Doesn't open up my eyes that much, doesn't make my face look prettier, it just adds drama to my eyes. Drama, like I need to create any more drama about my life.

Didn't think about writing anything at first, but when I removed my makeups earlier I thought I'd write something, anything.

And I listened to Never Easy again. Without. Crying.

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I think I'm gonna give up drinking coffee for a little while, Because honestly tea makes me feel so much better.

I've wanted to write in here for a couple of days now but always found myself at a loss for what to say. Basically I haven't been feeling very well, hating on people for no reason, acting weird and annoying, making myself uncomfortable and all kinds of stuff. It's really disturbing being me.
And after watching Zombieland I want a gun even more badly. Just picture all of the pests I could shoot in the forehead with that machine!

Yoghurt cup #61

 credit: tumblr

• After the rain I've walked through today I think I deserve fried food.
• Fried chicken to be exact.
• No sunset today. The sky just went darker on its own. But I like it like that, reminds me a bit of night times in Moscow when the sky would just refuse to go dark although the atmosphere was starting to get dense and chilly to prepare for the long sleep to wake the day.
• And I like the fog looking afar. Makes the city look cold. Which is something relatively rare to feel here.
• 
  
• At first it was like missing a trip to the city, and your inside just kind of rolled up every time something reminded you of that trip. A cup of coffee, a photo, even the smell of the soap you'd bought in one of those previous trips you'd made. You thought of every way to get yourself in that old route, to grasp back the feeling you'd once been so accustomed to, but not even knowing what you would even do if you were to make it . After a while, it was like missing a seaside trip. Perfectly feasible, but not at the moment. The sound of the waves, the smell of the sea grew in you like a disease, but you knew you couldn't just flee to the bay, buy a ticket and be on your way carelessly. Circumstances wouldn't let you make that trip. At last, it was merely like missing a trip to a vigorously beautiful, yet faraway country that you've once been lucky to be to. Not in your reach anymore, just a glimpse of an experience flashing through the back of your mind every now and always, reminding you not about the place, but also the person you used to be, the streams of thoughts you used to swim in. Then, perfectly timed and placed, something will remind you, almost instantly that you have to live, right now, live the moment. And you rush through the time, leaving the memories like pieces of jewelry in the park, sparkling under the sunlight, waiting for your eyes to notice again.
• Rebecca Ferguson's voice is ab.so.lute.ly amazing. As fangirly as I have been for the past few days reading fan fics and saving photos, I somehow felt a bit gutted how Zayn doesn't date her anymore, cause she's so sweet and her voice is authenticity in the form of musical notes.
• My music taste is getting pretty weird and girly not even in a good way.
• I really wanna stay up late on nights like this just breathing the cold air but I usually get very tired after a long day at school like today and Camellia isn't always there so, I end up going to bed ridiculously early, thinking, oh well, if I can't stay up ridiculously late then I'd better do something to distinguish myself from the world that goes to bed at around 10, 11pm. Pfffffttt please.
• Because going to bed at a certain time is too mainstream haha
• I want one of those Wreck This Journal notebooks for multiple reasons: one, I'm a notebook collector, and every molecule in my vein started to scream right at the second I saw the first page inside that notebook. Two, I'm a journal writer, and I've been running out of inspiration for my own journal for a while now, and this thing is exactly what I need to have a feel-good-I-actually-created-something-fun-to-look-at moment that I've been lacking. Three, some people did a marvelously awesome job on their books and I wanna give it a try and see how mine goes. Four, the idea of carrying it around wherever I go kind of excites me. Because I've always managed to keep a distance between the world where I sit down and write journal and the actual socializing world I mostly live in, therefore somehow when I transfer my thoughts into words they tend to become so much more polished and metaphoric than needed. So maybe this is just another method of keeping your head down to earth or stuff like that. Nice idea.
• Wow that one went a little longer than expected.
• Yesterday I watched The Great Gatsby and was so annoyed by the so-called charismatic voice of Daisy Buchanan I had to call Camellia and share my burden. Then, after 50 minutes of having to endure the voice, I switched to watching Breakfast at Tiffany's with the more than gorgeous Paul Varjack and everybody's favorite cat who doesn't even own a name.
• Reminder: wash the Kabuki brush, again, clean the fish tank, sleep in for as late as possible.
• I've grown a weird love for sleeping several unnecessary hours straight for no reason.
• ( some part of me was glad that the randomly weird Jenny's slowly coming back in me. The other parts, I still haven't received any reception from them yet. )
• Alright, going to bed. Have a nice weekend folks.

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A few shots from last week. Trying a new uploader for my photos since the blogspot uploader makes my photos so much grainier than the original.
Having a day off today, I think I'm gonna go around the house taking photos of everything and make another post later. Have a nice day :D

The wanderer

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I actually like the photos I took today very much, much more than any other wandering series I've done before. 

Yoghurt cup #60

credit: tumblr

• Had a heartache-free day today. In a parallel world, I had a good day today. A little tired, a little dazed by slightly overthinking, but I managed to have my carefree moments of the day, bought a box for my camera to sleep in at night, and as I stuffed all of my stuff in it, it turned out to look more professional than I'd expected. It looks like a little working kit of mine now :-)
• I love pop culture. Merely because of the diversity. When everyone's so different and unique, you have a feeling that within each of them, there's a part that doesn't fit in with the world. They're smart to learn from, cool to watch, fashionable to be around with, but they have their time of loneliness, just like everybody else. Only for the pop culture people, they express it by their form of art.
• At least it's my ideal world of pop culture. I know it's misunderstood and mistaken, and I'm gonna have to google again for the correct word of the phrase I described above.
• Today as I was walking home from the bus stop the song Your heart is an empty room by Death Cab For Cutie came up and I thought, did I just find my life phasic soundtrack for the moment? And I believe it was because of the crappy exaggeration of the bass sound that the sucker Nokia earphones made that altered the song from the original but for a minute there it sounded really great. And suitable with my mood in an incomprehensible way, well not according to the title because that would be slightly creepy. I think it's probably the way the background music kind of invaded the space that was supposed to be the lyrics, unpremeditatedly creating more depth for the song.
• Wolves & Buck's Dr. Martens' series makes me crave for a pair so badd ... Although the Martens are ridiculously overpriced here in Narnia and the designs aren't really that creative and I'm sure there's something wrong with the quality also, I still wanna own a pair in black or in dark maroon. It's probably high time I left the girl world to be on my way to the group of kids who can't see the difference between guys & girls' clothes.
• "If you're gonna come to hate someone later in life, give them a dslr camera and watch them struggle with craving and saving up money for lenses and accessories"- Alex.
• If you keep saying random genius quotes like that Alex I think I'm gonna have to write about you.
• Pet human takes my thoughts to a whole other level. I need to sort this notion out before even thinking of applying it in real life.
• I'm gonna go to bed early tonight hoping this tiredness that I'm feeling will help me with an instant, no lying around thinking bullcrap sleep.
• Doing the 241 project without the pressure of having to take one good & representative photo is like doing homework voluntarily without thinking about whether the teacher's gonna check it the next day or not. I need to train this evolution to apply it to other numerous situations in life.
• Other emotional situations to be exact.
• Okay enough with the crappy talk. Hope you had a nice Monday and have a happy Tuesday folks :D

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Some random shots in the room. Basically what I did today was to go have breakfast with Shire, google about lenses, listen to Death Cab for Cutie and Jakob Dylan, not be able to get over how awesome this new lens is. I swear I won't touch the f/1.4 or 1.2 because that will ruin the moment that I'm having with this baby.
I love weekends. And I'm sorry Alex for not going to the meet-and-greet with you this afternoon because I was too lazy to step out of the house at all, let alone climbing on the bus and going to a place that I know no one of. Although it's kind of a pity not having gone as I could've collected some nice tips on my struggling with taking photos of facial angles.
Wasn't planning on writing anything today, but I wanted to post these photos somewhere, so, that's it for today. I now am going to stand up and fall into bed and take the most random nap of the day just because. Have a nice weekend.

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through”

-- Ira Glass

Yoghurt cup #59

credit: tumblr

• I feel like Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minds.
• Bought a new lens. Was blissfully overjoyed since yesterday.
• I've bought a couple of more things too, a watch, a pair of boots, a bag for school and stuff.
• I've been quite into dressing in black lately. I seriously hope this doesn't have anything to do with my so-called mental instability. But when I'm standing between choices for clothes to wear I always end up with the black ones. 
• Oh well, at least almost all of my shoes aren't black.
• German class isn't fun like it used to be before. I miss my old teachers and the view from my seat in class is the most inconvenient view in the entire planet of Earth.
• Had a meet-and-greet today with the new class of high school, and oh dear why are the boys in that class so amazingly cute? They carried the stools for us to sit and sang for us and did all sorts of stuff that I'm not acquainted of in real life. Why can't I make more contacts with that kind of human being in my life?? Why wasn't I born three years later???
• I swear if I have to see one more photo about any Lauren Conrad or Whitney Port's books I'm gonna lose it.
• I was very surprised today to have made it on time at my old high school from university as the bus that was carrying me was moving with such a despising velocity that made me flip and think of two million ways of getting myself out of it.
• I've been listening to The Honey Trees and a random playlist consisting of eight songs in my phone that I was too lazy to put more. That was it for a monthful of crappy thoughts that doesn't quite help me with any mental evolution I usually require in my neurons.
• I Will Follow You Into The Dark is the only reason I still think of him as someone with at least a sense.
• The creepy part is that I can't sing that song anymore. Like, can't put myself into singing it. Like, every time I make an attempt to sing, my throat gets stuck.
• The 600D is surprisingly not as I'd hoped it would be. The visual display isn't as nice as the 550, the flipping screen is annoying and the Mark II kit lens looks kind of cheap. But oh well, I've seen some of the German kids rocking out that lens like a boss so after all it's about who's behind the camera.
• Was thinking of posting some of the photos I took at Pacey trying out the new lens, but you can check them out on my facebook anyways, that's where I store all of my shallow surfaces, so I just posted the things that have been inspiring me lately. The first comic I think will forever stay my all-time favorite comic on the planet. It just sums up every wandering thought of mine ever since I was a kid in such a brief and creative and childlike way that it becomes astonishing to me.
• I am so glad I can still write. Not writing for a period of time makes me feel like I'm fading a bit. Literally.
• "Like, when you're bored you go listening to music, taking pictures, and he takes out those papers and starts learning." - Alex.